Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (781)

Last Night in Massachusetts (781)

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My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob

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(781): My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob http://tfl.nu/45ds

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Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus

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Yeah but the people love.

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(781): Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus (908): Yeah but the people love. http://tfl.nu/k9ua

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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.

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(781): My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/4mpl

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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god

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(781): Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god http://tfl.nu/k2hb

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Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me

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(781): Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me http://tfl.nu/17em

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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.

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(781): You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/nrl0

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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment

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(781): Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment http://tfl.nu/se99

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So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.

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Did he at least offer you guys chips?

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(781): So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor. (508): Did he at least offer you guys chips? http://tfl.nu/ptoa

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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?

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(781): Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it? http://tfl.nu/aevy

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We don't really communicate like that.

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Communicate like what?

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Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.

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(617): We don't really communicate like that. (781): Communicate like what? (617): Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants. http://tfl.nu/kuit

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Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.

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(781): Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/mycr

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Love me.

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GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just for one nugget?

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(508): Love me. (781): GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS. (508): Just for one nugget? http://tfl.nu/9y03

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Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.

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(781): Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants. http://tfl.nu/zvak

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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"

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(781): BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin" http://tfl.nu/ul1h

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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym

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(781): Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym http://tfl.nu/lv47

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Last Night in Massachusetts (781)

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