Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (714)

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  But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?

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  (714): But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax? http://tfl.nu/2c3b
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  Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.

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  (714): Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym. http://tfl.nu/t6kc
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  I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.

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  (714): I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle. http://tfl.nu/7gdx
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  Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick

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  (714): Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick http://tfl.nu/zf2b
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  You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.

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  (714): You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me. http://tfl.nu/l602
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  How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?

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  (714): How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot? http://tfl.nu/pt30
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  No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.

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  (714): No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/hejd
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  Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream

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  (714): Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream http://tfl.nu/g5ns
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  You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.

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  (714): You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie. http://tfl.nu/je5q
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  Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?

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  (714): Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus? http://tfl.nu/oxq8
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  BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL

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  Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!

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  (714): BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL (1-714): Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky! http://tfl.nu/0qet
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  I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night 

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  (714): I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night  http://tfl.nu/0owm
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  She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.

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  (714): She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap. http://tfl.nu/1x8o
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  You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.

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  (714): You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid. http://tfl.nu/jhks
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  Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.

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  (714): Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to. http://tfl.nu/rk2y
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