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Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
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