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I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
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