Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (513)

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  Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY

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  (513): Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY http://tfl.nu/rc9r
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  Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.

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  (513): Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect. http://tfl.nu/ksxu
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  No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?

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  (513): No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand? http://tfl.nu/roqu
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  Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.

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  (513): Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C. http://tfl.nu/3wtt
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  You need Xanax blowdarts

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  (513): You need Xanax blowdarts http://tfl.nu/5mba
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  I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.

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  (513): I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move. http://tfl.nu/stfw
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  I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.

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  (513): I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate. http://tfl.nu/7b4m
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  Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?

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  (513): Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed? http://tfl.nu/wl2q
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  you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life

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  (513): you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life http://tfl.nu/50v2
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  Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room

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  (513): Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room http://tfl.nu/wjdc
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  I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.

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  (513): I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old. http://tfl.nu/lqlu
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  People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?

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  YES.

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  (513): People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join? (1-513): YES. http://tfl.nu/e51l
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  These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.

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  (513): These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours. http://tfl.nu/mjj7
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  If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.

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  (513): If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy. http://tfl.nu/099u
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  I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song

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  (513): I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song http://tfl.nu/4m2s
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