Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Finding that toy duck there was weird right?

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  (503): This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again." (1-541): Finding that toy duck there was weird right? http://tfl.nu/x1mm
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  You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.

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  (503): You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure. http://tfl.nu/1pyv
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  That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.

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  (503): That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it. http://tfl.nu/se2i
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  I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore

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  (503): I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore http://tfl.nu/cttm
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  His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.

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  It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...

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  (503): His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is. (1-503): It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin... http://tfl.nu/o5cf
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  And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.

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  (503): And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/m69e
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  I like the wholesome side of you

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  I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.

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  (503): I like the wholesome side of you (571): I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots. http://tfl.nu/22ah
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  So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.

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  He asked if he could come over tomorrow....

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  (503): So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn. (503): He asked if he could come over tomorrow.... http://tfl.nu/yk5d
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  If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too

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  (503): If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too http://tfl.nu/ytr8
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  Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.

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  (503): Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it. http://tfl.nu/rbw2
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  Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?

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  (503): Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to? http://tfl.nu/5ylh
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  I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.

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  (503): I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20. http://tfl.nu/9ljc
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  Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.

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  (503): Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her. http://tfl.nu/s4rs
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  Somehow he made it really romantic

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  He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.

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  (541): Somehow he made it really romantic (503): He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me. http://tfl.nu/2g7n
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  Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.

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  (503): Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be. http://tfl.nu/kby8
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