Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Virginia (434)

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  Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning

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  (434): Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning http://tfl.nu/g13p
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  They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.

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  (434): They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me. http://tfl.nu/rhi7
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  Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.

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  (434): Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care. http://tfl.nu/ksws
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  I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement

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  Dude you were ten when he graduated

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  Wahoowaaaaaaa

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  (434): I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement (1-434): Dude you were ten when he graduated (434): Wahoowaaaaaaa http://tfl.nu/vark
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  He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.

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  (434): He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face. http://tfl.nu/h6c3
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  Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.

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  (434): Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them. http://tfl.nu/1lvf
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  You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.

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  (434): You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here. http://tfl.nu/0jb8
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  You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.

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  (434): You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown. http://tfl.nu/essa
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  High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.

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  (434): High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world. http://tfl.nu/0gxn
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  We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.

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  (434): We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them. http://tfl.nu/odfm
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  Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.

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  (434): Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night. http://tfl.nu/fru6
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  I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER

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  (434): I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER http://tfl.nu/0nk8
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  Our room will be decorated with my urine.

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  (434): Our room will be decorated with my urine. http://tfl.nu/12hg
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  I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth

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  (434): I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth http://tfl.nu/xnjt
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  On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?

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  (434): On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am? http://tfl.nu/gml1
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