Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Follow @tfln