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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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