Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (310)

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  (310): View more from California

  Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing

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  (310): Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing http://tfl.nu/gwvn
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  So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.

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  (310): So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned. http://tfl.nu/t3gi
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  I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.

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  (310): I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle. http://tfl.nu/a8xs
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  Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.

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  (310): Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/m30n
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  I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"

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  (310): I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine" http://tfl.nu/hod3
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  Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason

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  (310): Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason http://tfl.nu/dz7h
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  Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.

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  (310): Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure. http://tfl.nu/ptmp
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  Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?

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  (310): Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public? http://tfl.nu/31zf
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  When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.

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  (310): When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs. http://tfl.nu/mv4h
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  I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.

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  (310): I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there. http://tfl.nu/77nt
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  Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.

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  (310): Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch. http://tfl.nu/am85
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  All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.

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  (310): All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta. http://tfl.nu/aprf
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  I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.

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  (310): I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting. http://tfl.nu/ex4c
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  My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.

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  That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.

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  (310): My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing. (1-310): That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens. http://tfl.nu/xmxh
  Replies (14) Good night (1943) Bad night (336)
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  (310): View more from California

  thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.

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  (310): thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones. http://tfl.nu/qrwe
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