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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
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