Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alabama (205)

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.

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  (205): Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink. http://tfl.nu/5avj
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  Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.

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  (205): Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line. http://tfl.nu/zcb1
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  Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.

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  (205): Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight. http://tfl.nu/1hhy
  Replies (11) Good night (2526) Bad night (434)
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  i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.

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  (205): i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets. http://tfl.nu/hykz
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  All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.

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  (205): All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok. http://tfl.nu/h2pz
  Replies (1) Good night (979) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES

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  (205): WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES http://tfl.nu/watc
  Replies (15) Good night (1057) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.

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  (205): I can HEAR him staring at your boobs. http://tfl.nu/pry3
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  Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.

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  (205): Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up. http://tfl.nu/igo8
  Replies (6) Good night (2277) Bad night (413)
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  I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.

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  (205): I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating. http://tfl.nu/dthl
  Replies (5) Good night (371) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
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  He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"

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  (205): He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos" http://tfl.nu/1xhi
  Replies (10) Good night (1432) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!

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  (205): A beer is a heart your wish makes!!! http://tfl.nu/w148
  Replies (4) Good night (1204) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
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  I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point

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  (205): I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point http://tfl.nu/73b4
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  High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.

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  (205): High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead. http://tfl.nu/efrd
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  I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.

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  (205): I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work. http://tfl.nu/jnr2
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.

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  (205): Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation. http://tfl.nu/ln89
  Replies (3) Good night (1281) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt