Texts From Last Night · Last Night in United Kingdom

Last Night in United Kingdom (+44)

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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.

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(+44): Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS. http://tfl.nu/15we

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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?

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(+44): Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance? http://tfl.nu/duxd

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We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.

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(+44): We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this. http://tfl.nu/pfxy

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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.

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(+44): Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/fnbb

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she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people

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(+44): she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people http://tfl.nu/xprr

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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.

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(+44): He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester. http://tfl.nu/ggyj

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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.

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(+44): I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon. http://tfl.nu/t0p2

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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.

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(+44): Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand. http://tfl.nu/fdqs

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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.

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(+44): I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life. http://tfl.nu/bbi7

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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me

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(+44): The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me http://tfl.nu/123e

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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good

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(+44): just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good http://tfl.nu/71ko

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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression

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(+44): You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression http://tfl.nu/vpko

Replies (3) Good night (957) Bad night (2885)
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Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?

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(+44): Hey, did you take me to hospital last night? http://tfl.nu/iu9j

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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me

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(+44): i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me http://tfl.nu/srm7

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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.

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(+44): Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman. http://tfl.nu/smcd

Replies (2) Good night (2876) Bad night (660)

Last Night in United Kingdom (+44)

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