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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
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