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My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
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