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What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
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