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Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
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