Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (781)

Last Night in Massachusetts (781)

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks

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(781): I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks http://tfl.nu/m8t9

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I can't answer my phone I'm at work

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I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities

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(339): I can't answer my phone I'm at work (781): I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities http://tfl.nu/qhjl

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they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.

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(781): they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories. http://tfl.nu/7ndb

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I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick

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(781): I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick http://tfl.nu/smiy

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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment

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(781): Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment http://tfl.nu/se99

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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym

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(781): Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym http://tfl.nu/lv47

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I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH

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(781): I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH http://tfl.nu/y9eb

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I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.

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(781): I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups. http://tfl.nu/fsmw

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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.

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(781): He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent. http://tfl.nu/jtvv

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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.

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(781): My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/4mpl

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Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.

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(781): Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants. http://tfl.nu/zvak

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Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me

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(781): Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me http://tfl.nu/17em

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Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus

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Yeah but the people love.

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(781): Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus (908): Yeah but the people love. http://tfl.nu/k9ua

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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free

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(781): my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free http://tfl.nu/f62q

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THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR

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(781): THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR http://tfl.nu/6l4g

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Last Night in Massachusetts (781)

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