Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (714)

Last Night in California (714)

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so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.

(1-714): View more from California

yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...

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(714): so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen. (1-714): yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed... http://tfl.nu/69pu

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I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room

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(714): I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room http://tfl.nu/2egq

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found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

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(714): found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner. http://tfl.nu/5d6x

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I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

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(714): I need hand sanitizer and jesus. http://tfl.nu/r3xx

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He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings

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(714): He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings http://tfl.nu/vyv5

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I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.

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(714): I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public. http://tfl.nu/k8h3

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I think I am morally bankrupt

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(714): I think I am morally bankrupt http://tfl.nu/yusq

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Ikea night.

(949): View more from California

?

(714): View more from California

Insert tab A into swedish slot B

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(714): Ikea night. (949): ? (714): Insert tab A into swedish slot B http://tfl.nu/q7ph

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my room smells like sperm. sweet.

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(714): my room smells like sperm. sweet. http://tfl.nu/th94

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dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"

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(714): dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes" http://tfl.nu/s663

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Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.

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(714): Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park. http://tfl.nu/ogfg

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I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.

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(714): I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy. http://tfl.nu/mwni

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It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends

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(714): It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends http://tfl.nu/q0nl

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we're chasing vodka with high fives

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(714): we're chasing vodka with high fives http://tfl.nu/2m9s

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im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF

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(714): im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF http://tfl.nu/bxu6

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Last Night in California (714)

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