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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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