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How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
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