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my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
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