Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oklahoma (405)

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...

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  (405): I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ... http://tfl.nu/68st
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  We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.

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  (405): We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed. http://tfl.nu/cgfh
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  Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.

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  (405): Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile. http://tfl.nu/zkhz
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

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  I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

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  Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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  (512): Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me. (405): I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me. (512): Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked. http://tfl.nu/bn4w
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  I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.

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  (405): I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat. http://tfl.nu/2u5h
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  I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  that's Oklahoma for you

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  (405): I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view (1-405): that's Oklahoma for you http://tfl.nu/8v2d
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  Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

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  (405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx
  Replies (76) Good night (27523) Bad night (1598)
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  when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high

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  (405): when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high http://tfl.nu/6j5i
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  It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.

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  (405): It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him. http://tfl.nu/10ee
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  So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Oh.My.God.

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  (405): So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid (1-405): Oh.My.God. http://tfl.nu/b4yo
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought

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  (405): I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo (918): Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought http://tfl.nu/a8il
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.

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  (405): The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it. (405): And before you ask they are unrelated purchases. http://tfl.nu/nz1r
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I accidentally burped into my bong.

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  (405): I accidentally burped into my bong. http://tfl.nu/o9u9
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish there were wingman of the year awards.

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  (405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk? (918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush. (405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards. http://tfl.nu/wr2g
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.

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  (405): I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day. http://tfl.nu/3skj
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