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my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
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