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He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
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