Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Michigan (517)

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  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

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  (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet?? http://tfl.nu/wkxa
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  I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?

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  (517): I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore? http://tfl.nu/tjz8
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  I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"

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  (517): I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice" http://tfl.nu/f86r
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  my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.

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  (517): my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab. http://tfl.nu/ejcr
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  Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.

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  (517): Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months. http://tfl.nu/qynd
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  sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.

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  (517): sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him. http://tfl.nu/vixo
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  let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.

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  (517): let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it. http://tfl.nu/9qiv
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  Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.

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  (517): Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever. http://tfl.nu/y7ox
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  Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.

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  (517): Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond. http://tfl.nu/hqwj
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  when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.

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  (517): when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch. http://tfl.nu/wqdf
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  If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself

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  (517): If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself http://tfl.nu/s6n2
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  every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot

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  (517): every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot http://tfl.nu/9euo
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  I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.

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  (517): I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans. http://tfl.nu/ad7f
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  careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus

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  (517): careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus http://tfl.nu/qcmy
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  dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..

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  (517): dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min.. http://tfl.nu/cx5p
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