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last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
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