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It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
one might say we're banned from that church
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
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