Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (253)

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  Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin

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  was*

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  True, R.I.P.

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  (509): Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin (253): was* (509): True, R.I.P. http://tfl.nu/u2pm
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  I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.

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  No. Just liquor. Time's no good.

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  (253): I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time. (281): No. Just liquor. Time's no good. http://tfl.nu/1yv7
  Replies (14) Good night (2784) Bad night (797)
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  My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?

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  (253): My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable? http://tfl.nu/rdbs
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  um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street

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  (253): um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street http://tfl.nu/ikjt
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  The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls

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  (253): The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls http://tfl.nu/7h32
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  I'm going to rape someone's good day.

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  (253): I'm going to rape someone's good day. http://tfl.nu/to10
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  My mind says no, but my body says yes.

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  What does your body say about chlamydia?

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  (253): My mind says no, but my body says yes. (703): What does your body say about chlamydia? http://tfl.nu/53wo
  Replies (17) Good night (506) Bad night (2903)
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  I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door

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  (253): I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door http://tfl.nu/jqcf
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  My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.

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  (253): My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support. http://tfl.nu/g29g
  Replies (4) Good night (654) Bad night (2502)
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  Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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  (253): Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it. http://tfl.nu/s7pq
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  Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

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  (253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life. http://tfl.nu/h3s9
  Replies (33) Good night (4780) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
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  dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool

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  (253): dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool http://tfl.nu/jdq1
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  I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.

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  (253): I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby. http://tfl.nu/itl7
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  Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.

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  (253): Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper. http://tfl.nu/3leu
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  she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?

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  (253): she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person? http://tfl.nu/ofbb
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