Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Arizona (602)

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!

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  (602): I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?! http://tfl.nu/4u7v
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  I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth

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  (602): I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth http://tfl.nu/mes3
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  The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast

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  I'm so there

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  (602): The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast (480): I'm so there http://tfl.nu/rimu
  Replies (1) Good night (732) Bad night (157)
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  I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs

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  My work here is done

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  (520): I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs (602): My work here is done http://tfl.nu/ashb
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  Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend

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  (602): Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend http://tfl.nu/pyzq
  Replies (4) Good night (194) Bad night (544)
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  After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.

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  (602): After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her. http://tfl.nu/mkbl
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  The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party

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  (602): The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party http://tfl.nu/nvop
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  When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.

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  (602): When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises. http://tfl.nu/mg1c
  Replies (6) Good night (956) Bad night (264) Order T-Shirt
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  Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.

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  That's the best creepy text ever.

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  (602): Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday. (316): That's the best creepy text ever. http://tfl.nu/6lgb
  Replies (7) Good night (1345) Bad night (502)
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  This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...

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  (602): This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today... http://tfl.nu/mxzm
  Replies (3) Good night (1259) Bad night (368)
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  I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.

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  (602): I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets. http://tfl.nu/wv2q
  Replies (10) Good night (1138) Bad night (320)
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  I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.

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  (602): I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College. http://tfl.nu/47ac
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  Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake

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  (602): Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake http://tfl.nu/7ejr
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  What does puking wasabi feel like?

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  Like snorting cocaine backwards.

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  (602): What does puking wasabi feel like? (1-602): Like snorting cocaine backwards. http://tfl.nu/l21m
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  The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!

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  (602): The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night! http://tfl.nu/j1nh
  Replies (4) Good night (1015) Bad night (393)