Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (570)

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  Explain the King Dong next to my face.

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  (570): Explain the King Dong next to my face. http://tfl.nu/zscw
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  I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.

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  (570): I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night. http://tfl.nu/0a56
  Replies (7) Good night (866) Bad night (78)
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  I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.

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  (570): I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka. http://tfl.nu/dcdl
  Replies (0) Good night (257) Bad night (77) Order T-Shirt
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  Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.

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  (570): Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home. http://tfl.nu/ff77
  Replies (1) Good night (324) Bad night (73) Order T-Shirt
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  2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.

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  (570): 2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card. http://tfl.nu/36zr
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  He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.

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  (570): He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile. http://tfl.nu/txef
  Replies (11) Good night (389) Bad night (174)
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  HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.

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  (570): HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES. http://tfl.nu/3qt3
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  Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.

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  (570): Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning. http://tfl.nu/uqvk
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  He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|

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  (570): He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =| http://tfl.nu/59tx
  Replies (5) Good night (151) Bad night (708)
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  I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.

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  (570): I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off. http://tfl.nu/8cid
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  You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."

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  (570): You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG." http://tfl.nu/j0ai
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  WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED

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  (570): WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED http://tfl.nu/najp
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  No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.

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  (570): No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong. http://tfl.nu/gy5i
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  So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.

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  (570): So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry. http://tfl.nu/zqk1
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  HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.

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  YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.

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  (570): HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS. (406): YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE. http://tfl.nu/futb
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (119)