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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
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