Texts From Last Night

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  (386): View more from Florida

  He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.

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  (386): He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids. http://tfl.nu/ivvs
  Replies (2) Good night (308) Bad night (135) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.

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  (219): Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel. http://tfl.nu/qebb
  Replies (8) Good night (2014) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.

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  (304): NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME. http://tfl.nu/yb98
  Replies (10) Good night (587) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."

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  (270): It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.." http://tfl.nu/em6p
  Replies (5) Good night (4413) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

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  (720): Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/6vuz
  Replies (6) Good night (3041) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I hear you

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  (613): I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting. (250): I hear you http://tfl.nu/kr1l
  Replies (7) Good night (2103) Bad night (443)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....

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  (734): Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters..... http://tfl.nu/8dbk
  Replies (5) Good night (1682) Bad night (524)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.

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  (734): I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony. http://tfl.nu/i9iy
  Replies (3) Good night (1298) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

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  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14647) Bad night (1662)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  someone owes me an orgasm

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  (406): someone owes me an orgasm http://tfl.nu/u7wj
  Replies (17) Good night (1404) Bad night (3176) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Her name starts with A and ends with whore.

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  (706): Her name starts with A and ends with whore. http://tfl.nu/o8d5
  Replies (12) Good night (1415) Bad night (3398) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I wish facebook had a fuck off button.

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  (515): I wish facebook had a fuck off button. http://tfl.nu/0iiv
  Replies (34) Good night (10386) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168227) Bad night (42146) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone

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  (832): moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone http://tfl.nu/qe9x
  Replies (13) Good night (3054) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

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  (732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken... http://tfl.nu/8g1q
  Replies (55) Good night (9374) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"

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  (706): i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!" http://tfl.nu/rg7b
  Replies (164) Good night (1621) Bad night (3211) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

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  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93450) Bad night (4590)