Texts From Last Night

Seattlegirl86's Favorites Texts:

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I need you to use more vowels.

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  (812): gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar (219): I need you to use more vowels. http://tfl.nu/cjfw
  Replies (15) Good night (8033) Bad night (856)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end

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  (+27): we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end http://tfl.nu/vfas
  Replies (10) Good night (6228) Bad night (1020)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  What do you think it is?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.

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  (214): What do you think it is? (615): It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow. http://tfl.nu/3ng4
  Replies (12) Good night (4875) Bad night (1440)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime

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  (406): just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime http://tfl.nu/zrav
  Replies (6) Good night (2662) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.

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  (207): Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me. http://tfl.nu/7so1
  Replies (20) Good night (2917) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.

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  (716): If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex. http://tfl.nu/vi35
  Replies (13) Good night (4172) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19644) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.

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  (757): he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree. http://tfl.nu/5ajs
  Replies (4) Good night (3101) Bad night (739)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high

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  (636): I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high http://tfl.nu/wyfj
  Replies (16) Good night (4502) Bad night (1933) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.

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  (732): You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name. http://tfl.nu/cvf5
  Replies (18) Good night (6351) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.

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  (469): I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over. http://tfl.nu/vab8
  Replies (13) Good night (821) Bad night (3838) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

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  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (118) Good night (39612) Bad night (1605) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.

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  (602): I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again. http://tfl.nu/a40p
  Replies (35) Good night (9630) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot

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  (970): let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot http://tfl.nu/ipdo
  Replies (11) Good night (6700) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (8990) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

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  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (44) Good night (14906) Bad night (1264)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.

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  (406): Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana. http://tfl.nu/lih3
  Replies (23) Good night (1870) Bad night (3037) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

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  (949): You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5? http://tfl.nu/3tc1
  Replies (15) Good night (7393) Bad night (809)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Haha did she know what fisting meant?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself

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  (734): Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that. (1-734): Haha did she know what fisting meant? (734): Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself http://tfl.nu/kykk
  Replies (21) Good night (1206) Bad night (5204)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping

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  (570): whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping http://tfl.nu/vxfh
  Replies (24) Good night (5325) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that

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  (856): dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that http://tfl.nu/vsra
  Replies (34) Good night (5596) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?

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  (316): I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen? http://tfl.nu/l8m2
  Replies (22) Good night (996) Bad night (5597) Order T-Shirt
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.

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  (308): I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose. http://tfl.nu/x4bb
  Replies (38) Good night (1065) Bad night (8930) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

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  (310): Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho http://tfl.nu/chvf
  Replies (56) Good night (2007) Bad night (14755) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

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  (502): i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'. http://tfl.nu/b21s
  Replies (18) Good night (6569) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'

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  (650): last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.' http://tfl.nu/3iza
  Replies (16) Good night (5363) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.

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  (615): i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time. http://tfl.nu/0k6p
  Replies (12) Good night (3610) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

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  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (10332) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.

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  (814): I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade. http://tfl.nu/dxnr
  Replies (14) Good night (1146) Bad night (3163) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.

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  (856): smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life. http://tfl.nu/69tk
  Replies (34) Good night (7282) Bad night (652)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever

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  (850): By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever http://tfl.nu/n0rq
  Replies (55) Good night (12295) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

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  (314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod
  Replies (23) Good night (4736) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?

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  (727): Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose? http://tfl.nu/qulw
  Replies (112) Good night (1076) Bad night (15927) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.

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  (510): come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy. http://tfl.nu/dyh1
  Replies (18) Good night (5675) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep

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  (519): i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep http://tfl.nu/4gxk
  Replies (54) Good night (7386) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.

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  (617): I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation. http://tfl.nu/k6x3
  Replies (35) Good night (6079) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

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  (204): She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous http://tfl.nu/ntwa
  Replies (17) Good night (8726) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.

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  (904): i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night. http://tfl.nu/xd4f
  Replies (22) Good night (6442) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?

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  (206): When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle? http://tfl.nu/8gva
  Replies (47) Good night (4909) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"

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  (201): You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here" http://tfl.nu/hp38
  Replies (18) Good night (6832) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.

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  (302): I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good. http://tfl.nu/sjs5
  Replies (62) Good night (6022) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"

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  (608): imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord" http://tfl.nu/17lg
  Replies (61) Good night (6179) Bad night (856)
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  (650): View more from California

  im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.

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  (650): im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/gyhj
  Replies (13) Good night (4217) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina

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  (518): i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina http://tfl.nu/y9lz
  Replies (104) Good night (12198) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.

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  (602): im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child. http://tfl.nu/zwuo
  Replies (16) Good night (1577) Bad night (3846) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.

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  (212): I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew. (503): Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word. http://tfl.nu/4en3
  Replies (26) Good night (5437) Bad night (531)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.

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  (804): girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe. http://tfl.nu/ztj4
  Replies (42) Good night (9847) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.

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  (512): last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all. http://tfl.nu/2zyx
  Replies (11) Good night (3462) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.

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  (248): brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing. http://tfl.nu/ysyr
  Replies (10) Good night (4386) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face

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  (412): When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face http://tfl.nu/tsxz
  Replies (16) Good night (4059) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.

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  (708): We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan. http://tfl.nu/28ik
  Replies (22) Good night (4763) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?

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  (937): How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink? http://tfl.nu/zmgw
  Replies (61) Good night (3613) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Why are you ignoring all of my texts?

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  The power was out.

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  (765): Why are you ignoring all of my texts? (1-765): The power was out. http://tfl.nu/9x7x
  Replies (17) Good night (1101) Bad night (4030) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.

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  (608): i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest. http://tfl.nu/jvc2
  Replies (68) Good night (3159) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Probably.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm in.

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  (216): Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word? (440): Probably. (216): I'm in. http://tfl.nu/bl31
  Replies (14) Good night (4049) Bad night (388)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We call that spaghetti Os

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  (207): I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it (617): We call that spaghetti Os http://tfl.nu/dgrn
  Replies (33) Good night (10079) Bad night (854)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  fucking a dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i mean: fucking a, dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  wow, that comma made all the difference there

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  (703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f
  Replies (93) Good night (11075) Bad night (876)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Its only 8 and she is already passed out

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2

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  (702): Its only 8 and she is already passed out (1-702): Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2 http://tfl.nu/cu8c
  Replies (73) Good night (1311) Bad night (3619)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore

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  (804): i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore http://tfl.nu/d307
  Replies (127) Good night (1028) Bad night (3783) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  booty call

  (925): View more from California

  i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.

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  (408): booty call (925): i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy. http://tfl.nu/xuna
  Replies (60) Good night (1061) Bad night (5786)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too

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  (781): i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too http://tfl.nu/262s
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...

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  (314): I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter... http://tfl.nu/166t
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  (631): View more from New York

  I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...

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  (631): I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf... http://tfl.nu/qnwa
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  (607): View more from New York

  I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie

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  (607): I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie http://tfl.nu/m38d
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  (916): View more from California

  Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"

  (1-916): View more from California

  High five!

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  (916): Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?" (1-916): High five! http://tfl.nu/3w1i
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.

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  (202): remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER. http://tfl.nu/2j9f
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper

  (785): View more from Kansas

  He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.

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  (316): I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper (785): He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not. http://tfl.nu/pqqj
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.

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  (215): Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless. http://tfl.nu/tw3i
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  What!?!?! How are you txting?!

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.

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  (775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you. (1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?! (775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/1ioc
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST

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  (703): fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST http://tfl.nu/btab
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

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  (303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move. http://tfl.nu/t85w
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake

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  (704): Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake http://tfl.nu/8hsp
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?

  (408): View more from California

  we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.

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  (202): first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why? (408): we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try. http://tfl.nu/v7dh
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you

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  (715): I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you http://tfl.nu/l21x
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?

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  (248): I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you? http://tfl.nu/mhei
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine

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  (248): i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine http://tfl.nu/gbjn
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.

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  (313): remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck. http://tfl.nu/0g1v
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.

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  (757): I am not having having sex with guys at the moment. (734): I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue. http://tfl.nu/51cx
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