Texts From Last Night

superbassman's Favorites Texts:

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

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  (508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo
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  (916): View more from California

  So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

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  (916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so horny!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so hungry

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  For your pussy...

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  (508): I'm so horny! (781): I'm so hungry (508): WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY! (781): For your pussy... http://tfl.nu/7j50
  Replies (64) Good night (23870) Bad night (1498)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.

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  (678): I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts. http://tfl.nu/4sqd
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  (917): View more from New York City

  half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

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  (917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country. http://tfl.nu/tafy
  Replies (261) Good night (20357) Bad night (1969) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

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  (706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy
  Replies (83) Good night (17339) Bad night (1786) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

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  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16759) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.

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  (571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do. http://tfl.nu/8y8e
  Replies (74) Good night (13880) Bad night (1712) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

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  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (12319) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever

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  (850): By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever http://tfl.nu/n0rq
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  (518): View more from New York

  i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina

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  (518): i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina http://tfl.nu/y9lz
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  (585): View more from New York

  please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.

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  (585): please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad. http://tfl.nu/8fn1
  Replies (68) Good night (11806) Bad night (2713)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs

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  (519): her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs http://tfl.nu/0f09
  Replies (20) Good night (11266) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...

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  (630): I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends. (1-630): if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs... http://tfl.nu/id4n
  Replies (51) Good night (10437) Bad night (1402)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

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  (904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school http://tfl.nu/ysoe
  Replies (59) Good night (10044) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

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  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

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  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
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  (940): View more from Texas

  nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that

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  (940): nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that http://tfl.nu/ymub
  Replies (22) Good night (9210) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.

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  (618): Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout. http://tfl.nu/q2nt
  Replies (42) Good night (9160) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?

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  (716): I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays? http://tfl.nu/wnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (9105) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

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  (317): Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good. http://tfl.nu/6afw
  Replies (30) Good night (8046) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".

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  (720): He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost". http://tfl.nu/8ltm
  Replies (39) Good night (7968) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

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  (760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone http://tfl.nu/69r6
  Replies (20) Good night (7899) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

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  (815): I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe. http://tfl.nu/z3x3
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  (315): View more from New York

  I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho

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  (315): I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob (203): For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho http://tfl.nu/1l75
  Replies (37) Good night (7484) Bad night (591)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.

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  (503): No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school. http://tfl.nu/ym74
  Replies (7) Good night (7438) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

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  (740): you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god http://tfl.nu/byer
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]

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  (541): Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =] http://tfl.nu/r84d
  Replies (44) Good night (7232) Bad night (1339) Order T-Shirt
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  (863): View more from Florida

  During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

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  (863): During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart? http://tfl.nu/3xgk
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

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  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
  Replies (55) Good night (7179) Bad night (1634)
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  (707): View more from California

  He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.

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  (707): He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ve7z
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.

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  (802): I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job. http://tfl.nu/xzx3
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

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  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.

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  (425): It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back. http://tfl.nu/2rvp
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i just made my gag reflex go away.

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  (336): i just made my gag reflex go away. http://tfl.nu/haya
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.

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  (+44): 24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good. http://tfl.nu/55h0
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  (03): View more from

  you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!

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  (03): you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!! http://tfl.nu/e67e
  Replies (18) Good night (6843) Bad night (906)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.

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  (309): So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar. http://tfl.nu/wvqn
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.

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  (330): theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk69
  Replies (29) Good night (6699) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

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  (570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off http://tfl.nu/1xmy
  Replies (13) Good night (6543) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you

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  (973): I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you http://tfl.nu/07bs
  Replies (21) Good night (6496) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

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  (661): Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me. http://tfl.nu/1wv6
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina

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  (215): omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina http://tfl.nu/buf1
  Replies (56) Good night (6382) Bad night (2145) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.

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  (503): iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane. http://tfl.nu/zl9e
  Replies (18) Good night (6364) Bad night (990)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable

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  (732): wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/5ca2
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.

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  (617): i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good. http://tfl.nu/gykq
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  (406): View more from Montana

  To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

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  (406): To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved. http://tfl.nu/shxy
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.

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  (904): i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/j0mi
  Replies (13) Good night (6060) Bad night (763)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right

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  (920): Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right http://tfl.nu/du0e
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

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  (401): You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk" http://tfl.nu/xogg
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  (+44): View more from England

  You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.

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  (+44): You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway. http://tfl.nu/z6cq
  Replies (34) Good night (5905) Bad night (1273)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.

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  (513): I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed. http://tfl.nu/lx5o
  Replies (20) Good night (5640) Bad night (702)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great

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  (804): Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great http://tfl.nu/xifb
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  Aren't you in 8th grade?

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  9th, but that's not the point.

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  (502): I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school.. (1-502): Aren't you in 8th grade? (502): 9th, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/te0g
  Replies (104) Good night (5565) Bad night (3610)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll

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  (336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll http://tfl.nu/6m63
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis

  (757): View more from Virginia

  your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.

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  (443): Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis (757): your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though. http://tfl.nu/xhh4
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.

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  (262): At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex. http://tfl.nu/iosj
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  (650): View more from California

  dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king

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  (650): dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king http://tfl.nu/ix08
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.

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  (860): He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days. http://tfl.nu/v2o4
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  (914): View more from New York

  he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3

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  (914): he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3 http://tfl.nu/cutl
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  (714): View more from California

  Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.

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  (714): Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock. http://tfl.nu/bwd8
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..

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  (410): And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love.. http://tfl.nu/9pu8
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.

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  (978): dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gwo8
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.

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  (267): he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice. http://tfl.nu/aht5
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  (415): View more from California

  She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.

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  (415): She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision. http://tfl.nu/yqhh
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.

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  (864): he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs. http://tfl.nu/m2cw
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.

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  (248): i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/jhba
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.

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  (609): Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home. http://tfl.nu/wrow
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?

  (845): View more from New York

  Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.

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  (302): Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one? (845): Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides. http://tfl.nu/6dzh
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?

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  (504): Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag? http://tfl.nu/x8h9
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.

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  (813): Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper. http://tfl.nu/ip7t
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  (323): View more from California

  Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."

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  (323): Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel." http://tfl.nu/elen
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.

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  (305): Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer. http://tfl.nu/0a2y
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.

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  (719): He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year. http://tfl.nu/71up
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  Dick in a box?

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  (757): Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm (1-757): Dick in a box? http://tfl.nu/x7sn
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  tasteful.

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  (812): it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked (1-812): tasteful. http://tfl.nu/syjz
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  (323): View more from California

  Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me

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  (323): Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me http://tfl.nu/3sp3
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?

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  (903): Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ? http://tfl.nu/d8rt
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.

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  (224): Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day. http://tfl.nu/yhb5
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  (718): View more from New York

  I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.

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  (718): I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there. http://tfl.nu/dv4v
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.

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  (940): I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner. http://tfl.nu/au8r
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  (530): View more from California

  I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.

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  (530): I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me. http://tfl.nu/jc9x
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  (631): View more from New York

  saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.

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  (631): saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious. http://tfl.nu/pwp7
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times

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  (775): My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times http://tfl.nu/d78u
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.

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  (218): You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears. http://tfl.nu/cuw5
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  (858): View more from California

  Do you think there is vodka in heaven?

  (619): View more from California

  you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity

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  (858): Do you think there is vodka in heaven? (619): you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity http://tfl.nu/y8gk
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.

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  (501): Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain. http://tfl.nu/y5sc
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  (845): View more from New York

  I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.

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  (845): I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick. http://tfl.nu/cye7
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball

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  (316): his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball http://tfl.nu/2uq9
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.

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  (864): Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded. http://tfl.nu/5fxu
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.

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  (225): she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her. http://tfl.nu/dxlc
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?

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  (403): All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/dlqr
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.

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  (214): I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina. http://tfl.nu/q4iw
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.

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  (417): I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW. http://tfl.nu/qeni
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.

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  (402): Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year. http://tfl.nu/x76y
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"

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  (918): this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun" http://tfl.nu/d07w
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house

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  (973): Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house http://tfl.nu/x9ej
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  (896): View more from

  i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.

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  (896): i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself. http://tfl.nu/abgv
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It's inspiring.

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  (910): All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day... (910): It's inspiring. http://tfl.nu/vfb2
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...

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  (970): Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it... http://tfl.nu/w07g
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?

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  (570): Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged? http://tfl.nu/qezt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!

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  (504): As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!! http://tfl.nu/d5pb
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  (310): View more from California

  He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday

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  (310): He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday http://tfl.nu/b2jq
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  (509): View more from Washington

  My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.

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  (509): My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina. http://tfl.nu/xxcl
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR

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  (604): I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR http://tfl.nu/a8v0
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  (619): View more from California

  After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.

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  (619): After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation. http://tfl.nu/dnza
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.

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  (205): I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas. http://tfl.nu/ea9i
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.

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  (808): Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days. http://tfl.nu/a8z9
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  (716): View more from New York

  why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary

  (716): View more from New York

  i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal

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  (716): why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross (860): its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary (716): i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal http://tfl.nu/td08
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?

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  (603): So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me" (1-603): Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole? http://tfl.nu/54bk
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion

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  (406): I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion http://tfl.nu/tw2a
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.

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  (757): I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass. http://tfl.nu/p1y3
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.

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  (203): No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side. http://tfl.nu/0ask
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.

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  (513): you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore. http://tfl.nu/8tgi
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor

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  (703): Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor http://tfl.nu/qca9
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"

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  (712): I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it" http://tfl.nu/ijmk
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.

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  (864): I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day. http://tfl.nu/a8c7
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.

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  (514): No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters. http://tfl.nu/rpkb
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude are you serious?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I know you already have a pic on your phone

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  (978): Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave (617): dude are you serious? (978): I know you already have a pic on your phone http://tfl.nu/k6lt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.

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  (917): He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house. http://tfl.nu/rgic
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life

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  (816): he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life http://tfl.nu/u0np
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)

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  (303): Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;) http://tfl.nu/s5za
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....

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  (813): Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night.... http://tfl.nu/k2vf
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend

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  (+44): I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ua0w
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.

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  (610): It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes. http://tfl.nu/cpyt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..

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  (706): having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear.. http://tfl.nu/j8z4
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?

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  (815): What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"? http://tfl.nu/6zhr
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

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  (814): he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard. http://tfl.nu/0fj9
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  (310): View more from California

  Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.

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  (310): Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up. http://tfl.nu/lp2z
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".

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  (905): I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn". http://tfl.nu/2c8a
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.

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  (701): Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem. http://tfl.nu/jbpn
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  (510): View more from California

  I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.

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  (510): I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress. http://tfl.nu/szsa
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.

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  (724): Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest. http://tfl.nu/3pug
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  (510): View more from California

  You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying

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  (510): You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying http://tfl.nu/xlhu
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?

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  (919): Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously? http://tfl.nu/b5p0
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought

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  (318): Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought http://tfl.nu/rg7p
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.

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  (727): Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome. http://tfl.nu/3ucr
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  (512): View more from Texas

  why does the wii remote smell like your vag?

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  (512): why does the wii remote smell like your vag? http://tfl.nu/z7m2
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Except even better, boobs get discounts.

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  (307): Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8. (307): Except even better, boobs get discounts. http://tfl.nu/cz7z
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  (407): View more from Florida

  And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."

  (407): View more from Florida

  That's called being sensitive.

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  (407): And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now." (407): That's called being sensitive. http://tfl.nu/l8tt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads

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  (715): Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads http://tfl.nu/v7qu
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago

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  (262): Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago http://tfl.nu/39ul
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  (650): View more from California

  Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?

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  (650): Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards? http://tfl.nu/fenr
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.

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  (519): She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot. http://tfl.nu/3yos
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)

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  (414): But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;) http://tfl.nu/bfcm
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks

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  (443): And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks http://tfl.nu/r3ru
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  hello competition

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  (973): so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator (908): hello competition http://tfl.nu/cped
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had

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  (440): omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had http://tfl.nu/fpfu
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.

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  (717): Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango (1-717): IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN. http://tfl.nu/b5hl
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.

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  (973): he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade. http://tfl.nu/270g
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth

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  (+44): I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth http://tfl.nu/v9jy
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.

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  (508): I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/6qay
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.

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  (206): I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole. http://tfl.nu/haw4
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

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  (504): I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation. http://tfl.nu/5z11
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Call me so I can make it juicy for ya

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  (704): Call me so I can make it juicy for ya http://tfl.nu/dgtu
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

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  (303): This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now. http://tfl.nu/jc3w
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

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  (501): i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever. http://tfl.nu/sfg3
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator

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  (423): I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator http://tfl.nu/6zcj
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.

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  (413): It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back. http://tfl.nu/936t
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?

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  (519): why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong? http://tfl.nu/074u
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week

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  (+44): He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week http://tfl.nu/00sr
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen

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  (516): I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen http://tfl.nu/keq8
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.

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  (302): He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was. http://tfl.nu/ureg
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.

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  (406): You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it. http://tfl.nu/4hyg
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  this is your brother

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  (978): im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;) (1-978): this is your brother http://tfl.nu/l4xz
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.

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  (203): The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar. http://tfl.nu/eecr
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

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  (630): I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. http://tfl.nu/dxkz
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.

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  (484): omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers. http://tfl.nu/h63v
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?

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  (603): could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt? (1-603): you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call? http://tfl.nu/6h21
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  (562): View more from California

  she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.

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  (562): she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight. http://tfl.nu/mepj
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole

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  (615): my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole http://tfl.nu/xvf4
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"

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  (517): I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice" http://tfl.nu/f86r
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  (916): View more from California

  WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!

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  (916): WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!! http://tfl.nu/wbdy
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  (323): View more from California

  The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

  (1-323): View more from California

  Did you put it in the freezer again?

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  (323): The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child. (1-323): Did you put it in the freezer again? http://tfl.nu/uvmz
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?

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  (312): I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse? http://tfl.nu/9r6j
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt

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  (504): my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt http://tfl.nu/h423
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.

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  (713): Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga. http://tfl.nu/fdid
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  (760): View more from California

  O no, u 2 are dating again?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture

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  (760): O no, u 2 are dating again? (503): No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture http://tfl.nu/e7yu
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society

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  (202): i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society http://tfl.nu/5vfp
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.

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  (304): He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately. http://tfl.nu/s0gm
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction

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  (724): she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with. (1-724): I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction http://tfl.nu/qhra
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.

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  (908): My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size. http://tfl.nu/6vyk
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

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  (804): omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh. (804): He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis. http://tfl.nu/8njp
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.

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  (814): Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me. (1-814): I hope you walked the shit out of that shame. http://tfl.nu/1vn7
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.

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  (313): Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical. http://tfl.nu/9qp0
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  (713): View more from Texas

  S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?

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  (713): S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B? http://tfl.nu/ysr8
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  (424): View more from California

  The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.

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  (424): The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration. http://tfl.nu/aroj
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?

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  (216): Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon? http://tfl.nu/iu1h
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?

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  (720): well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you? http://tfl.nu/2ont
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  (360): View more from Washington

  She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit

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  (360): She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit http://tfl.nu/vja9
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.

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  (480): So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction. http://tfl.nu/bt6f
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.

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  (808): and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off. http://tfl.nu/1s60
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me

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  (201): I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me http://tfl.nu/61f7
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  (206): View more from Washington

  when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.

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  (206): when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp. http://tfl.nu/bpd1
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  (818): View more from California

  Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.

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  (818): Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls. http://tfl.nu/r53n
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????

  (702): View more from Nevada

  God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.

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  (702): It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway. (775): Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ???? (702): God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight. http://tfl.nu/me93
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.

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  (714): I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public. http://tfl.nu/k8h3
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...

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  (514): I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits... http://tfl.nu/tjcr
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