Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Follow @tfln