Texts From Last Night

princess821's Favorites Texts:

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??

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  (905): I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet?? http://tfl.nu/qgms
  Replies (145) Good night (2235) Bad night (8398) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  running late. just ran over a dude on a bike

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  (813): running late. just ran over a dude on a bike http://tfl.nu/e4pf
  Replies (52) Good night (2034) Bad night (7981) Order T-Shirt
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  (772): View more from Florida

  bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls

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  (772): bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls http://tfl.nu/txmo
  Replies (58) Good night (2310) Bad night (7883) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

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  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2233) Bad night (7323) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.

  (1-818): View more from California

  Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.

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  (818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night. (1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit. http://tfl.nu/ras5
  Replies (10) Good night (1065) Bad night (7291)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......

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  (610): Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain....... http://tfl.nu/fodn
  Replies (26) Good night (1538) Bad night (7038) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie

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  (502): He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie http://tfl.nu/8h9i
  Replies (74) Good night (665) Bad night (6966) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

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  (315): My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships... http://tfl.nu/1r9u
  Replies (43) Good night (3072) Bad night (6571) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

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  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54912) Bad night (6417) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.

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  (818): im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically. http://tfl.nu/np2a
  Replies (23) Good night (1772) Bad night (6381) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.

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  (651): if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call. http://tfl.nu/9x5y
  Replies (39) Good night (876) Bad night (6129) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.

  (713): View more from Texas

  what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.

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  (832): my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over. (713): what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jxuh
  Replies (95) Good night (814) Bad night (5723)
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  (607): View more from New York

  i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.

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  (607): i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady. http://tfl.nu/6072
  Replies (40) Good night (1618) Bad night (5698) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.

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  (208): She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again. http://tfl.nu/3vjv
  Replies (15) Good night (940) Bad night (5555) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.

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  (925): It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article. http://tfl.nu/yngr
  Replies (44) Good night (1234) Bad night (5258) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.

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  (618): So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in. http://tfl.nu/s63a
  Replies (39) Good night (4074) Bad night (5169) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.

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  (404): last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy. http://tfl.nu/ky7z
  Replies (12) Good night (844) Bad night (5039) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much

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  (917): his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much http://tfl.nu/cn35
  Replies (30) Good night (1515) Bad night (5022) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

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  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36460) Bad night (4989)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.

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  (410): He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot. http://tfl.nu/qo51
  Replies (16) Good night (1079) Bad night (4841) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way

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  (949): Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way http://tfl.nu/t96w
  Replies (31) Good night (1676) Bad night (4735) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.

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  (204): they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control. http://tfl.nu/p5nx
  Replies (9) Good night (1870) Bad night (4626) Order T-Shirt
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now

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  (985): for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now http://tfl.nu/fzln
  Replies (59) Good night (756) Bad night (4558)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.

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  (604): mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday. http://tfl.nu/2gms
  Replies (7) Good night (820) Bad night (4471) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

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  (563): My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night. http://tfl.nu/lmn5
  Replies (14) Good night (1140) Bad night (4262) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI

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  (215): He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI http://tfl.nu/4msy
  Replies (30) Good night (1661) Bad night (4235) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning

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  (503): He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning http://tfl.nu/4hjz
  Replies (6) Good night (907) Bad night (4071) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you

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  (817): Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you http://tfl.nu/97p3
  Replies (16) Good night (964) Bad night (4037) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who'd you have sex with.

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  (610): terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions. (1-610): who'd you have sex with. http://tfl.nu/97tl
  Replies (12) Good night (2112) Bad night (4034) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.

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  (214): i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends. http://tfl.nu/1l9v
  Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (3984) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.

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  (781): I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots. http://tfl.nu/2a1b
  Replies (23) Good night (872) Bad night (3979)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.

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  (320): For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates. http://tfl.nu/jze3
  Replies (19) Good night (1321) Bad night (3957) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm

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  (508): Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm http://tfl.nu/fqql
  Replies (17) Good night (1033) Bad night (3883) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  have you facebook stalked him yet?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  No, I don’t know his last name...

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just google his license plate numb

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  (803): have you facebook stalked him yet? (1-803): No, I don’t know his last name... (803): Just google his license plate numb http://tfl.nu/nn7i
  Replies (20) Good night (1024) Bad night (3788)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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  (251): Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl? http://tfl.nu/mkwq
  Replies (38) Good night (828) Bad night (3672) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.

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  (207): I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy. http://tfl.nu/9ve4
  Replies (19) Good night (487) Bad night (3640) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.

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  (816): you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell. http://tfl.nu/74j4
  Replies (30) Good night (819) Bad night (3631) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me

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  (215): I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me http://tfl.nu/08l6
  Replies (16) Good night (1155) Bad night (3460) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.

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  (905): I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing. http://tfl.nu/u29p
  Replies (16) Good night (1182) Bad night (3451) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes

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  (330): im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes http://tfl.nu/3pbg
  Replies (10) Good night (1154) Bad night (3401) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I can feel you judging me through the phone.

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  (703): I can feel you judging me through the phone. http://tfl.nu/i7dh
  Replies (14) Good night (1120) Bad night (3363) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  This hangover is way worse than all my relationships

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  (334): This hangover is way worse than all my relationships http://tfl.nu/m3xj
  Replies (6) Good night (950) Bad night (3361) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.

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  (334): They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer. http://tfl.nu/2vpk
  Replies (46) Good night (814) Bad night (3232) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there

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  (443): party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there http://tfl.nu/5lco
  Replies (10) Good night (538) Bad night (3134) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.

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  (443): Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry. http://tfl.nu/7406
  Replies (19) Good night (696) Bad night (3070) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?

  (408): View more from California

  oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no

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  (480): I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy? (408): oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no http://tfl.nu/w6ll
  Replies (4) Good night (1039) Bad night (3062)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.

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  (512): This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness. http://tfl.nu/ui3n
  Replies (47) Good night (1323) Bad night (3049) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.

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  (585): He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings. http://tfl.nu/entr
  Replies (15) Good night (768) Bad night (2819) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.

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  (717): Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too? (206): Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no. http://tfl.nu/3dwz
  Replies (56) Good night (834) Bad night (2805)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"

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  (586): You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared" http://tfl.nu/f1ec
  Replies (19) Good night (5781) Bad night (2570) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What? You're not speaking real words.

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  (423): I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me (617): What? You're not speaking real words. http://tfl.nu/o2go
  Replies (30) Good night (848) Bad night (2542)
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  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Where are I am going home with Ryan

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it

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  (681): Where are I am going home with Ryan (601): I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it http://tfl.nu/l22z
  Replies (18) Good night (1724) Bad night (2370)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something

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  (727): but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something http://tfl.nu/beva
  Replies (14) Good night (726) Bad night (2293) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.

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  (513): I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace. http://tfl.nu/1kl9
  Replies (27) Good night (560) Bad night (2247)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.

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  (412): When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career. http://tfl.nu/solb
  Replies (2) Good night (518) Bad night (1958)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.

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  (210): happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal. http://tfl.nu/4nij
  Replies (49) Good night (7248) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Hahahaha

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  make that 40.

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  (270): 32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha! (1-270): Hahahaha (270): make that 40. http://tfl.nu/5c9z
  Replies (3) Good night (621) Bad night (1719)
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  (631): View more from New York

  It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.

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  (631): It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom. http://tfl.nu/aix7
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?

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  (303): He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay? http://tfl.nu/l4uw
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

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  (757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal

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  (860): Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal http://tfl.nu/x7fc
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  (850): View more from Florida

  some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.

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  (850): some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face. http://tfl.nu/tn6y
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  (661): View more from California

  this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

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  (661): this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date. http://tfl.nu/1wwe
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  (961): View more from

  I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit

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  (961): I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit http://tfl.nu/r0do
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.

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  (954): I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism. http://tfl.nu/aavm
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room

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  (360): I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room http://tfl.nu/ooda
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...

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  (778): yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet... http://tfl.nu/488j
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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  (214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever. http://tfl.nu/bza6
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

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  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i dont even know how to be here

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  (973): i dont even know how to be here http://tfl.nu/mwy9
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

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  (410): He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week. http://tfl.nu/7fuh
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.

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  (704): Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009. http://tfl.nu/cvp3
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  (315): View more from New York

  Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.

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  (315): Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise. http://tfl.nu/jq04
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  (432): View more from Texas

  So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

  (207): View more from Maine

  You need to stop watching Twilight.

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  (432): So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler? (207): You need to stop watching Twilight. http://tfl.nu/oudp
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  (661): View more from California

  new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.

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  (661): new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what. http://tfl.nu/4g32
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?

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  (203): We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad? http://tfl.nu/ilwk
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you hooked up with him?

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  (908): Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit? (617) Remember that time you hooked up with him? http://tfl.nu/yz0c
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

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  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

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  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.

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  (847): I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking. http://tfl.nu/ou65
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  (425): View more from Washington

  So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...

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  (425): So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod... http://tfl.nu/hp9q
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  (817): View more from Texas

  This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"

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  (817): This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here" http://tfl.nu/277o
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  haha good one..how did you even know?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.

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  (404): FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night (1-404): haha good one..how did you even know? (404): we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck. http://tfl.nu/dmh7
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.

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  (309): Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still. http://tfl.nu/aa8c
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

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  (303): Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water... http://tfl.nu/8ncn
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.

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  (918): i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/hs1z
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  (207): View more from Maine

  i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

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  (207): i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like http://tfl.nu/ol8k
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  (941): View more from Florida

  i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that

  (850): View more from Florida

  im pretty sure thats an 11

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  (941): i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that (850): im pretty sure thats an 11 http://tfl.nu/g2lw
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  She was lying the whole time!

  (310): View more from California

  She was a great actress

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was a great dumbass

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  (248): She was lying the whole time! (310): She was a great actress (248): I was a great dumbass http://tfl.nu/8lxg
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

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  (706): Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't. http://tfl.nu/ol3k
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you

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  (313): You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you http://tfl.nu/5wuc
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.

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  (843): there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done. http://tfl.nu/q1zr
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.

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  (919): Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time. http://tfl.nu/r3pt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.

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  (508): I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car. http://tfl.nu/9e5w
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  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

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  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.

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  (248): so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right? (248): oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left. http://tfl.nu/uut9
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  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

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  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.

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  (402): I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song. http://tfl.nu/3qmr
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here

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  (850): Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here http://tfl.nu/hhg1
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  (786): View more from Florida

  I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.

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  (786): I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me. http://tfl.nu/ua0x
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.

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  (502): there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me. http://tfl.nu/l22j
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

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  (434): NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup. http://tfl.nu/qouj
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.

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  (701): I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships. http://tfl.nu/filq
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

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  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

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  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

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  (801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high http://tfl.nu/0yq2
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

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  (978): i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party http://tfl.nu/osnp
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

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  (416): Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck. http://tfl.nu/lba2
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

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  (504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

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  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

  (661): View more from California

  Truer words have never been spoken.

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  (260): Vodka is such a love hate relationship. (661): Truer words have never been spoken. http://tfl.nu/p042
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I can't believe he would be such an ass

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

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  (561): I can't believe he would be such an ass (1-561): Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything. http://tfl.nu/zk45
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though

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  (509): Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though http://tfl.nu/7ly3
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I seriously wish I was FB friends with her

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  (906): I seriously wish I was FB friends with her http://tfl.nu/inkp
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  (716): View more from New York

  who do you think you are?

  (407): View more from Florida

  someone who doesn't ask that question

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  (716): who do you think you are? (407): someone who doesn't ask that question http://tfl.nu/uw7n
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  (585): View more from New York

  ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried

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  (585): ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried http://tfl.nu/b5zu
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

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  (248): today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much http://tfl.nu/3dmn
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.

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  (913): Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount. http://tfl.nu/7zsg
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers

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  (205): i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers http://tfl.nu/g3p7
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Taylor Swift is so right about you.

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  (773): Taylor Swift is so right about you. http://tfl.nu/etcx
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

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  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
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  (310): View more from California

  So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

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  (310): So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned? http://tfl.nu/6bz7
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka

  (231): View more from Michigan

  the cocktail of hope

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  (734): I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka (231): the cocktail of hope http://tfl.nu/t9k0
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

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  (715): We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later http://tfl.nu/4xtv
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time

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  (512): Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time http://tfl.nu/c4as
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

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  (+44): If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook http://tfl.nu/6gha
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.

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  (843): Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17. http://tfl.nu/5ely
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Everytime we come here you have an ex here.

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  (985): Everytime we come here you have an ex here. http://tfl.nu/ev6m
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  (585): View more from New York

  he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?

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  (585): he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is? http://tfl.nu/uyol
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Let's make jello shots for tomorrow

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What's going on tomorrow?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nothing, it's Wednesday

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  (913): Let's make jello shots for tomorrow (1-913): What's going on tomorrow? (913): Nothing, it's Wednesday http://tfl.nu/pnp1
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

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  (302): I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that. http://tfl.nu/9h2q
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me

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  (214): I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me http://tfl.nu/9k7n
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions

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  (203): As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions http://tfl.nu/qlm8
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs

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  (440): Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs http://tfl.nu/58d0
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.

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  (802): I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends. http://tfl.nu/oh1c
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her

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  (610): She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her http://tfl.nu/saue
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

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  (989): no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed". http://tfl.nu/dmqo
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.

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  (610): I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity. http://tfl.nu/4je5
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.

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  (218): i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette. http://tfl.nu/f90v
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.

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  (434): Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore. http://tfl.nu/10x7
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.

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  (859): let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break. http://tfl.nu/x35d
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  (518): View more from New York

  In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

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  (518): In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it. http://tfl.nu/q114
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  (949): View more from California

  just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL

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  (949): just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL http://tfl.nu/7k6t
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?

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  (765): Did we both pass out talking about cake last night? http://tfl.nu/lgnr
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time

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  (832): why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time http://tfl.nu/brrk
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.

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  (816): He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost. http://tfl.nu/3w08
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive

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  (571): I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive http://tfl.nu/mms9
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

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  (214): I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you. (1-214): that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary http://tfl.nu/469f
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.

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  (270): Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend. http://tfl.nu/ihwe
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just another sign I need to get out of this town

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  (608): So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him (608): Just another sign I need to get out of this town http://tfl.nu/jzm5
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!

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  (614): We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order. (1-614): I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale! http://tfl.nu/h6yb
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  details?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  alcohol + bed + penis = sex

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  (920): i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir (952): details? (920): alcohol + bed + penis = sex http://tfl.nu/7qj6
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  (207): View more from Maine

  We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.

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  (207): We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us. http://tfl.nu/uz8z
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

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  (630): The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum. http://tfl.nu/5o8q
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

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  (614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls. (1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions. http://tfl.nu/vjhv
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  well, dont

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

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  (720): So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face. (970): well, dont (720): I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it. http://tfl.nu/lbqb
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.

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  (303): No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting. http://tfl.nu/foam
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  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage

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  (949): I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage http://tfl.nu/tvaz
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.

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  (778): Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them. http://tfl.nu/fuhs
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.

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  (402): The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey. http://tfl.nu/ja6h
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno

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  (908): he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno http://tfl.nu/p79f
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you

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  (803): I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you http://tfl.nu/rx95
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  (239): View more from Florida

  they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out

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  (239): they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out http://tfl.nu/ncls
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.

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  (+61): She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me. http://tfl.nu/qxca
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.

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  (201): Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself. http://tfl.nu/3rwg
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

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  (630): i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do. http://tfl.nu/s093
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.

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  (440): We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night. http://tfl.nu/4khi
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.

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  (847): Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better. http://tfl.nu/ewir
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  (214): View more from Texas

  does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??

  (817): View more from Texas

  dude, everything can mix, this is college.

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  (214): does wine, beer, and vodka mix well?? (817): dude, everything can mix, this is college. http://tfl.nu/mqi0
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.

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  (713): Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy. http://tfl.nu/uglu
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv

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  (410): i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv http://tfl.nu/8yma
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.

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  (352): I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about. http://tfl.nu/yxic
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore

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  (229): my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore http://tfl.nu/2olf
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hoooooo maaaaan

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Yes?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm retarded. Again.

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  (248): Hoooooo maaaaan (313): Yes? (248): I'm retarded. Again. http://tfl.nu/k0ba
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  (817): View more from Texas

  The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

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  (817): The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down. http://tfl.nu/fg57
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  (631): View more from New York

  all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.

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  (631): all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight. http://tfl.nu/hryw
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Quick, to the slutcave!

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  (202): Quick, to the slutcave! http://tfl.nu/wu8s
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.

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  (601): Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit. http://tfl.nu/lbl1
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  My room smells like vodka and shame

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  (312): My room smells like vodka and shame http://tfl.nu/t2bn
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  (762): View more from Georgia

  Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.

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  (762): Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please. http://tfl.nu/mnuz
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face

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  (609): you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face http://tfl.nu/l9l7
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  (909): View more from California

  why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?

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  (909): why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"? http://tfl.nu/si77
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.

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  (515): once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window. http://tfl.nu/ziko
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish I could punch you in the face.

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  (313): I wish I could punch you in the face. http://tfl.nu/jewc
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B

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  (508): ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester (1-508): Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B http://tfl.nu/rngn
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  Def the best call fo sho

  (361): View more from Texas

  That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.

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  (361): I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it. (1-361): Def the best call fo sho (361): That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers. http://tfl.nu/l307
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.

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  (617): Yes. UR adorable in a weird way. http://tfl.nu/w3l6
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations

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  (228): yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations http://tfl.nu/eytk
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too

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  (781): i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too http://tfl.nu/262s
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class

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  (865): Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class http://tfl.nu/v047
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.

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  (630): She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her. http://tfl.nu/01f3
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."

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  (770): We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem." http://tfl.nu/qcu7
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  (619): View more from California

  I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case

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  (619): I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case http://tfl.nu/xr3i
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just be blunt and say drink from my dick

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  (757): Just be blunt and say drink from my dick http://tfl.nu/8snw
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.

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  (419): Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them. http://tfl.nu/vhc8
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah, where have you been?

  (407): View more from Florida

  Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.

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  (978): Yeah, where have you been? (407): Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus. http://tfl.nu/jpxm
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.

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  (201): remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal. http://tfl.nu/yu6k
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days

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  (651): the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days http://tfl.nu/ifs4
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game

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  (973): maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game http://tfl.nu/v1t4
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?

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  (859): What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms? http://tfl.nu/1h9x
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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  (908): Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution. http://tfl.nu/ms1p
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.

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  (336): I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices. http://tfl.nu/qbzj
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  if i can run in heels then i can drive

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  (303): if i can run in heels then i can drive http://tfl.nu/rtwg
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I knew I liked you

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  (202): I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later (410): I knew I liked you http://tfl.nu/yvq5
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...

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  (920): the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof... http://tfl.nu/xn7m
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne

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  (734): smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne http://tfl.nu/p5m6
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.

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  (973): YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower. http://tfl.nu/tblp
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