Texts From Last Night

jeff91660's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (258) Good night (4574) Bad night (79679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (128) Good night (7675) Bad night (60924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion http://tfl.nu/golc
  Replies (263) Good night (3419) Bad night (31237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower http://tfl.nu/n59j
  Replies (43) Good night (1192) Bad night (19583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner. http://tfl.nu/5d6x
  Replies (42) Good night (843) Bad night (14666)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter. http://tfl.nu/87g5
  Replies (53) Good night (1872) Bad night (13672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone? http://tfl.nu/oqh6
  Replies (33) Good night (784) Bad night (13031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality http://tfl.nu/g1bs
  Replies (73) Good night (1320) Bad night (12692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged (703): just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit http://tfl.nu/pac5
  Replies (61) Good night (1576) Bad night (12140)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category. http://tfl.nu/bs6u
  Replies (55) Good night (661) Bad night (11350)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!" http://tfl.nu/yefk
  Replies (25) Good night (998) Bad night (11329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1738) Bad night (10762)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back. http://tfl.nu/82hh
  Replies (12) Good night (506) Bad night (10509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (83) Good night (1631) Bad night (9869)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!? http://tfl.nu/ocr3
  Replies (69) Good night (1713) Bad night (9762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina. http://tfl.nu/mdvg
  Replies (81) Good night (645) Bad night (9585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face. http://tfl.nu/bthr
  Replies (42) Good night (3612) Bad night (8932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted http://tfl.nu/rfs0
  Replies (98) Good night (1999) Bad night (8718)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier http://tfl.nu/ue73
  Replies (33) Good night (511) Bad night (8200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (2195) Bad night (7739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card http://tfl.nu/bprl
  Replies (30) Good night (2262) Bad night (7728)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse http://tfl.nu/l7qs
  Replies (46) Good night (814) Bad night (7484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit http://tfl.nu/qd4t
  Replies (63) Good night (1060) Bad night (7357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later. http://tfl.nu/i15d
  Replies (41) Good night (783) Bad night (6889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch. http://tfl.nu/y4b9
  Replies (20) Good night (611) Bad night (6797)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I just did the classiest thing ever.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  last time you said that you got chlamydia.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I just did the classiest thing ever. (216): last time you said that you got chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/33ag
  Replies (19) Good night (1393) Bad night (6354)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up. http://tfl.nu/5d52
  Replies (13) Good night (1305) Bad night (6299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake. http://tfl.nu/zq33
  Replies (47) Good night (921) Bad night (6253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was. (314): Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night.. http://tfl.nu/wswl
  Replies (74) Good night (1317) Bad night (6220)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately. http://tfl.nu/dyb2
  Replies (17) Good night (801) Bad night (6157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them. http://tfl.nu/l7o1
  Replies (20) Good night (1145) Bad night (5971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (491) Good night (133308) Bad night (5808)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again http://tfl.nu/k557
  Replies (41) Good night (481) Bad night (5656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection http://tfl.nu/e8qx
  Replies (24) Good night (913) Bad night (5507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken. http://tfl.nu/9881
  Replies (13) Good night (827) Bad night (5170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers http://tfl.nu/vom9
  Replies (16) Good night (991) Bad night (5052)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked. http://tfl.nu/6dqf
  Replies (28) Good night (1276) Bad night (4815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): this is worse than the time i threw up a condom. http://tfl.nu/98sx
  Replies (15) Good night (744) Bad night (4803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (742): View more from

  What happened last night?

  (1-742): View more from

  You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (742): What happened last night? (1-742): You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth. http://tfl.nu/koqa
  Replies (5) Good night (747) Bad night (4764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5
  Replies (68) Good night (2183) Bad night (4381)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought. http://tfl.nu/bahq
  Replies (14) Good night (640) Bad night (4361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before http://tfl.nu/lurw
  Replies (17) Good night (1803) Bad night (4298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.

  (415): View more from California

  Why?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now. (415): Why? (206): Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch. http://tfl.nu/7w51
  Replies (15) Good night (1603) Bad night (4174)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low http://tfl.nu/wg0q
  Replies (24) Good night (697) Bad night (4139)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you http://tfl.nu/rxgp
  Replies (22) Good night (1370) Bad night (4038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all. http://tfl.nu/2dp0
  Replies (32) Good night (1816) Bad night (3756)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table http://tfl.nu/2wbi
  Replies (24) Good night (879) Bad night (3755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy" http://tfl.nu/dlxe
  Replies (40) Good night (1725) Bad night (3736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (14311) Bad night (3620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party. http://tfl.nu/qlc4
  Replies (6) Good night (741) Bad night (3620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting http://tfl.nu/v176
  Replies (12) Good night (1205) Bad night (3345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night. http://tfl.nu/8tsr
  Replies (25) Good night (758) Bad night (3326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends. http://tfl.nu/9x75
  Replies (11) Good night (708) Bad night (3316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it. http://tfl.nu/khhu
  Replies (12) Good night (560) Bad night (3113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (38497) Bad night (3097)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her. http://tfl.nu/dj4z
  Replies (10) Good night (733) Bad night (3055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone. http://tfl.nu/t7gq
  Replies (19) Good night (1085) Bad night (3048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  she is a standing ovation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face. (507): she is a standing ovation. http://tfl.nu/6atu
  Replies (14) Good night (629) Bad night (3000)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  come over anyways, right now, right this second

  (850): View more from Florida

  it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying

  (561): View more from Florida

  wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): come over anyways, right now, right this second (850): it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying (561): wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation http://tfl.nu/cwsr
  Replies (28) Good night (765) Bad night (2950)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy
  Replies (40) Good night (11019) Bad night (2902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross http://tfl.nu/ueo2
  Replies (18) Good night (860) Bad night (2711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis http://tfl.nu/mvim
  Replies (17) Good night (1539) Bad night (2674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye http://tfl.nu/qnov
  Replies (12) Good night (982) Bad night (2652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune. http://tfl.nu/4goo
  Replies (9) Good night (1117) Bad night (2643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass http://tfl.nu/ckyi
  Replies (39) Good night (4904) Bad night (2637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.

  (1-443): View more from Maryland

  That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please. (1-443): That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude. http://tfl.nu/3mvf
  Replies (18) Good night (907) Bad night (2515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen? http://tfl.nu/1u3n
  Replies (8) Good night (585) Bad night (2453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time http://tfl.nu/mn2j
  Replies (32) Good night (5106) Bad night (2378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends. http://tfl.nu/11t7
  Replies (21) Good night (659) Bad night (2312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that. http://tfl.nu/wccj
  Replies (11) Good night (5246) Bad night (2208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e
  Replies (41) Good night (16635) Bad night (2176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz
  Replies (28) Good night (4967) Bad night (2099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me. (1-814): I hope you walked the shit out of that shame. http://tfl.nu/1vn7
  Replies (15) Good night (744) Bad night (2046)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed. http://tfl.nu/qkrz
  Replies (3) Good night (603) Bad night (1941)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60985) Bad night (1930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded. http://tfl.nu/5fxu
  Replies (21) Good night (3658) Bad night (1770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (42) Good night (8184) Bad night (1760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (18584) Bad night (1709)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on. http://tfl.nu/xcia
  Replies (11) Good night (375) Bad night (1706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works http://tfl.nu/o828
  Replies (11) Good night (4304) Bad night (1652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face. http://tfl.nu/tn6y
  Replies (12) Good night (4983) Bad night (1579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38609) Bad night (1482)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me. http://tfl.nu/j8wb
  Replies (6) Good night (710) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends. (1-630): if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs... http://tfl.nu/id4n
  Replies (51) Good night (10461) Bad night (1414)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service. http://tfl.nu/eqpl
  Replies (117) Good night (4347) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her http://tfl.nu/1ar3
  Replies (39) Good night (5733) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss http://tfl.nu/w0b9
  Replies (34) Good night (5742) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers! http://tfl.nu/0unq
  Replies (28) Good night (6303) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter. http://tfl.nu/21c2
  Replies (18) Good night (4987) Bad night (1317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass. http://tfl.nu/spz3
  Replies (24) Good night (6489) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You could give me a blowjob later? :)

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I meant do something romantic..

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Blowjob In the moonlight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You could give me a blowjob later? :) (1-321): I meant do something romantic.. (321): Blowjob In the moonlight? http://tfl.nu/na1u
  Replies (13) Good night (6073) Bad night (1288)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken... http://tfl.nu/8g1q
  Replies (55) Good night (9393) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10861) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go http://tfl.nu/d1mz
  Replies (15) Good night (5133) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants. http://tfl.nu/4z6l
  Replies (7) Good night (678) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist. http://tfl.nu/bzfc
  Replies (8) Good night (3723) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date http://tfl.nu/ynms
  Replies (29) Good night (14301) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. http://tfl.nu/i519
  Replies (56) Good night (7315) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (13232) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever http://tfl.nu/c1jo
  Replies (11) Good night (1957) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets. http://tfl.nu/9hch
  Replies (17) Good night (440) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (48) Good night (8484) Bad night (1002)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M http://tfl.nu/v1d0
  Replies (26) Good night (7610) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.

  (904): View more from Florida

  FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing. (904): FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift http://tfl.nu/ws8p
  Replies (18) Good night (7499) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache http://tfl.nu/4l2z
  Replies (5) Good night (429) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England http://tfl.nu/wgnu
  Replies (63) Good night (16571) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7683) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/7jau
  Replies (13) Good night (3690) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up? (812): You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/331c
  Replies (48) Good night (8815) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Who said I want to share with you?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you. (616): Who said I want to share with you? (269): You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book. http://tfl.nu/trh2
  Replies (40) Good night (6679) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor. http://tfl.nu/wceh
  Replies (9) Good night (3578) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk. (610): I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect. http://tfl.nu/dim5
  Replies (43) Good night (13973) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight. http://tfl.nu/8jy4
  Replies (4) Good night (1480) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  yea ive hooked up with like half those guys

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): yea ive hooked up with like half those guys (1-440): and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag http://tfl.nu/9hzs
  Replies (32) Good night (6593) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina http://tfl.nu/3xqs
  Replies (19) Good night (2312) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits.. http://tfl.nu/aan9
  Replies (91) Good night (4823) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect http://tfl.nu/4whi
  Replies (4) Good night (5242) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that" http://tfl.nu/ex2y
  Replies (12) Good night (2344) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is canola oil?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're an idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans (1-610): who is canola oil? (610): you're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/vy3c
  Replies (64) Good night (2971) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days! (804): Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us! (703): well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted. http://tfl.nu/ybes
  Replies (48) Good night (5635) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born http://tfl.nu/de9t
  Replies (17) Good night (1572) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule. http://tfl.nu/eokl
  Replies (28) Good night (3619) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow. http://tfl.nu/c544
  Replies (3) Good night (2615) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Somehow he made it really romantic

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Somehow he made it really romantic (503): He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me. http://tfl.nu/2g7n
  Replies (6) Good night (1207) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls? http://tfl.nu/f946
  Replies (9) Good night (1295) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk. http://tfl.nu/87wr
  Replies (14) Good night (2839) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (556): View more from

  Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (556): Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard http://tfl.nu/2l07
  Replies (10) Good night (1985) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking

  (530): View more from California

  That could use a little rephrasing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking (530): That could use a little rephrasing http://tfl.nu/xfz9
  Replies (5) Good night (1721) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.

  (713): View more from Texas

  Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night. (713): Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry... http://tfl.nu/w6q1
  Replies (36) Good night (3535) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar. http://tfl.nu/a5mu
  Replies (64) Good night (6654) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea. http://tfl.nu/bq8d
  Replies (7) Good night (1451) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun. http://tfl.nu/ajrj
  Replies (6) Good night (1553) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion" http://tfl.nu/w9if
  Replies (11) Good night (2240) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning. http://tfl.nu/b9vx
  Replies (25) Good night (1361) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either. http://tfl.nu/a1p0
  Replies (9) Good night (1837) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow. http://tfl.nu/p8o5
  Replies (7) Good night (1475) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm. http://tfl.nu/vdhu
  Replies (15) Good night (4657) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.

  (1-619): View more from California

  Very innocently.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend. (1-619): Very innocently. http://tfl.nu/o8xf
  Replies (19) Good night (2910) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina. http://tfl.nu/1pki
  Replies (5) Good night (1800) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt