Texts From Last Night

Valkyrie's Favorites Texts:

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  (647): View more from Ontario

  so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.

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  (647): so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together. http://tfl.nu/0wgb
  Replies (14) Good night (844) Bad night (3112)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51582) Bad night (2265)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.

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  (425): One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake. http://tfl.nu/mhbs
  Replies (14) Good night (1058) Bad night (1647) Order T-Shirt
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"

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  (478): It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT" http://tfl.nu/0wpw
  Replies (5) Good night (541) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it

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  (630): I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it http://tfl.nu/s57c
  Replies (5) Good night (471) Bad night (1518) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us

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  (303): They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us http://tfl.nu/8tzs
  Replies (11) Good night (834) Bad night (1416) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?

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  (414): It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself? http://tfl.nu/nwby
  Replies (6) Good night (477) Bad night (1343) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.

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  (704): Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor. http://tfl.nu/wceh
  Replies (9) Good night (3562) Bad night (862)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.

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  (703): See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians. http://tfl.nu/t1a5
  Replies (8) Good night (1742) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.

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  (231): Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger. http://tfl.nu/yx75
  Replies (13) Good night (2303) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.

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  (541): I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night. http://tfl.nu/6kn4
  Replies (6) Good night (494) Bad night (766)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete

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  (414): Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete http://tfl.nu/c68q
  Replies (2) Good night (344) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.

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  (931): Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this. http://tfl.nu/inch
  Replies (8) Good night (4066) Bad night (641)
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  (619): View more from California

  Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...

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  (619): Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by... http://tfl.nu/g8gw
  Replies (9) Good night (3555) Bad night (575)
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  (525): View more from

  It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?

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  (525): It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am? http://tfl.nu/0yre
  Replies (14) Good night (3411) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.

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  (908): I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger. http://tfl.nu/tt9q
  Replies (9) Good night (1103) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.

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  (908): I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats. http://tfl.nu/npuf
  Replies (7) Good night (1449) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me

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  (703): No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me http://tfl.nu/mnmv
  Replies (5) Good night (2451) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear

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  (336): I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear http://tfl.nu/gomj
  Replies (6) Good night (1220) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face

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  (541): Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face http://tfl.nu/zdd8
  Replies (11) Good night (1887) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE

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  (256): OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE http://tfl.nu/qfju
  Replies (6) Good night (2125) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.

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  (505): Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard. http://tfl.nu/5mz2
  Replies (17) Good night (3143) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already

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  (651): Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already http://tfl.nu/xrp9
  Replies (13) Good night (1068) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?

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  (614): I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat. (1-614): Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate? http://tfl.nu/mxr5
  Replies (8) Good night (2436) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt