Texts From Last Night

Katierocksit's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her http://tfl.nu/t8zc
  Replies (90) Good night (2380) Bad night (22890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1258) Bad night (12770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg. http://tfl.nu/rk1z
  Replies (38) Good night (667) Bad night (11462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it" http://tfl.nu/q1ud
  Replies (49) Good night (2098) Bad night (9191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever. http://tfl.nu/u669
  Replies (18) Good night (1030) Bad night (7302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants. http://tfl.nu/6g5r
  Replies (15) Good night (1031) Bad night (6379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Umm..who the fuck is this?

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them? (617): Umm..who the fuck is this? (781): Oh shit http://tfl.nu/ik4c
  Replies (54) Good night (1992) Bad night (6280)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit. http://tfl.nu/apjr
  Replies (37) Good night (1098) Bad night (5917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal. http://tfl.nu/3jar
  Replies (72) Good night (1728) Bad night (5859)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win? (720): This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok? http://tfl.nu/drjm
  Replies (98) Good night (2598) Bad night (5647)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/s2q9
  Replies (11) Good night (1367) Bad night (5608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out http://tfl.nu/wth6
  Replies (4) Good night (762) Bad night (5291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  video games are the ultimate cock blocker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): video games are the ultimate cock blocker http://tfl.nu/a2qu
  Replies (42) Good night (734) Bad night (3950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever. http://tfl.nu/ptta
  Replies (17) Good night (4084) Bad night (3696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song. http://tfl.nu/z4jp
  Replies (62) Good night (1105) Bad night (3457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes. http://tfl.nu/5gti
  Replies (25) Good night (616) Bad night (3293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned. http://tfl.nu/8l5x
  Replies (11) Good night (1050) Bad night (3276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness. http://tfl.nu/v4md
  Replies (17) Good night (692) Bad night (3002)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy http://tfl.nu/hiwh
  Replies (10) Good night (1208) Bad night (2859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy? http://tfl.nu/c53s
  Replies (13) Good night (919) Bad night (2821)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows http://tfl.nu/rci2
  Replies (44) Good night (4402) Bad night (2639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was" http://tfl.nu/hg14
  Replies (12) Good night (1094) Bad night (2503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.

  (813): View more from Florida

  morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much. (813): morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU (203): oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor. http://tfl.nu/75bu
  Replies (42) Good night (960) Bad night (2477)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73370) Bad night (2463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!? http://tfl.nu/9p3z
  Replies (17) Good night (673) Bad night (2358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts. http://tfl.nu/c0eu
  Replies (5) Good night (950) Bad night (2307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder? http://tfl.nu/zxu8
  Replies (105) Good night (1602) Bad night (1767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun http://tfl.nu/oe4f
  Replies (9) Good night (892) Bad night (1760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood. http://tfl.nu/4fl8
  Replies (7) Good night (2007) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable http://tfl.nu/6hw3
  Replies (32) Good night (988) Bad night (1666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): i think i would be more confident if i were chinese. http://tfl.nu/cr8w
  Replies (6) Good night (2522) Bad night (1639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records. http://tfl.nu/e6fm
  Replies (7) Good night (3510) Bad night (1611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit. http://tfl.nu/jcis
  Replies (16) Good night (4728) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out. http://tfl.nu/0ttb
  Replies (23) Good night (6008) Bad night (1435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game http://tfl.nu/ygf5
  Replies (38) Good night (4574) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight http://tfl.nu/b8vr
  Replies (38) Good night (4454) Bad night (1391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take. http://tfl.nu/cnz2
  Replies (10) Good night (767) Bad night (1388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37105) Bad night (1385)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You might as well just give her the money now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it. (610): You might as well just give her the money now. http://tfl.nu/i76w
  Replies (72) Good night (3843) Bad night (1350)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt
  Replies (13) Good night (6432) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I. http://tfl.nu/orkf
  Replies (37) Good night (8265) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?" http://tfl.nu/xq6v
  Replies (43) Good night (8539) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch? http://tfl.nu/p8up
  Replies (12) Good night (4987) Bad night (1249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless http://tfl.nu/jzwl
  Replies (105) Good night (11559) Bad night (1205)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon. http://tfl.nu/l4la
  Replies (25) Good night (6609) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t
  Replies (24) Good night (7553) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well.... http://tfl.nu/3a9p
  Replies (4) Good night (1801) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std" http://tfl.nu/vth3
  Replies (29) Good night (3032) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/1e3m
  Replies (27) Good night (6275) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate". http://tfl.nu/8tbj
  Replies (27) Good night (6021) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke. http://tfl.nu/mdh7
  Replies (6) Good night (572) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious. http://tfl.nu/r1dy
  Replies (19) Good night (859) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea http://tfl.nu/towc
  Replies (7) Good night (2523) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11605) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!" http://tfl.nu/plpd
  Replies (11) Good night (5210) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

  (817): View more from Texas

  Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

  (972): View more from Texas

  ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating. (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away. (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world. http://tfl.nu/uybr
  Replies (66) Good night (5485) Bad night (1073)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm so horny

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm so horny (913): I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect http://tfl.nu/ggyh
  Replies (12) Good night (5646) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast?? http://tfl.nu/wkuh
  Replies (24) Good night (3488) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8977) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style (1-541): Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario http://tfl.nu/q9jy
  Replies (44) Good night (1840) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility. http://tfl.nu/wqgl
  Replies (13) Good night (2607) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet. http://tfl.nu/ph90
  Replies (10) Good night (2644) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!" http://tfl.nu/mre5
  Replies (13) Good night (4511) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (36) Good night (15231) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen? http://tfl.nu/ze7l
  Replies (9) Good night (4347) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): 5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real. http://tfl.nu/vlat
  Replies (7) Good night (4932) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist. http://tfl.nu/t7vc
  Replies (27) Good night (5385) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  How sober do you have to be to donate blood?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): How sober do you have to be to donate blood? http://tfl.nu/9d8c
  Replies (9) Good night (3437) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged http://tfl.nu/ocss
  Replies (4) Good night (1457) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago. http://tfl.nu/uh8m
  Replies (35) Good night (13605) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal http://tfl.nu/c4vg
  Replies (21) Good night (7907) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/pbev
  Replies (3) Good night (5912) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x
  Replies (26) Good night (14708) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker. http://tfl.nu/xtlj
  Replies (9) Good night (1744) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night http://tfl.nu/5q0r
  Replies (10) Good night (8219) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Five things that make you perfect. Go.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Five things that make you perfect. Go. (1-918): The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/ni7m
  Replies (26) Good night (6212) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I am both scared and jealous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption. (201): I am both scared and jealous. http://tfl.nu/hrb8
  Replies (4) Good night (2849) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  It's like a mixture of two words

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): It's like a mixture of two words (985): "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now" http://tfl.nu/homf
  Replies (8) Good night (3010) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (523): View more from

  Hey did where's my bong?

  (1-523): View more from

  In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right

  (523): View more from

  Should I bother to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (523): Hey did where's my bong? (1-523): In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right (523): Should I bother to ask? http://tfl.nu/hj27
  Replies (8) Good night (2893) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex http://tfl.nu/zx0t
  Replies (12) Good night (4473) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game http://tfl.nu/obaf
  Replies (11) Good night (3037) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls http://tfl.nu/u8nd
  Replies (96) Good night (6810) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with. http://tfl.nu/8rek
  Replies (43) Good night (4675) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday... http://tfl.nu/8w3z
  Replies (3) Good night (2379) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  yea ive hooked up with like half those guys

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): yea ive hooked up with like half those guys (1-440): and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag http://tfl.nu/9hzs
  Replies (32) Good night (6576) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up http://tfl.nu/ccq8
  Replies (5) Good night (2524) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window http://tfl.nu/p9te
  Replies (4) Good night (536) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this http://tfl.nu/4kx4
  Replies (16) Good night (4968) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night. (314): I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it. http://tfl.nu/jfox
  Replies (7) Good night (4105) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later. http://tfl.nu/ckzf
  Replies (10) Good night (2304) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today. (1-207): I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population... http://tfl.nu/tclz
  Replies (96) Good night (3477) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win. http://tfl.nu/bjq4
  Replies (17) Good night (8838) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card? http://tfl.nu/bsy4
  Replies (77) Good night (5268) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated http://tfl.nu/z16t
  Replies (7) Good night (3002) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something

  (818): View more from California

  its my fault though, i'm wearing tights

  (310): View more from California

  you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something (818): its my fault though, i'm wearing tights (310): you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap http://tfl.nu/15rb
  Replies (22) Good night (3357) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right? http://tfl.nu/zs4y
  Replies (39) Good night (2981) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded." http://tfl.nu/j96i
  Replies (51) Good night (6738) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i would one night stand the shit outta him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i would one night stand the shit outta him http://tfl.nu/aljg
  Replies (11) Good night (5472) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective. http://tfl.nu/c9ng
  Replies (3) Good night (3719) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse. http://tfl.nu/kxn7
  Replies (2) Good night (1852) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you. http://tfl.nu/crxb
  Replies (9) Good night (3186) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.

  (415): View more from California

  No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest. (415): No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans http://tfl.nu/liuw
  Replies (13) Good night (4393) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!" http://tfl.nu/2zn1
  Replies (49) Good night (4444) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up http://tfl.nu/4wl0
  Replies (10) Good night (4651) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever. http://tfl.nu/jt2o
  Replies (8) Good night (6560) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out. http://tfl.nu/hn3q
  Replies (3) Good night (1793) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My entire life is one complicated drinking game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My entire life is one complicated drinking game http://tfl.nu/hoza
  Replies (19) Good night (4094) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge. http://tfl.nu/pca6
  Replies (5) Good night (2313) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal http://tfl.nu/dg00
  Replies (10) Good night (3343) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship? http://tfl.nu/tepw
  Replies (11) Good night (2185) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect. http://tfl.nu/cd2m
  Replies (4) Good night (2929) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him.. http://tfl.nu/bqg4
  Replies (13) Good night (2781) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR. (705): I NEED to see if his girl has a sister. http://tfl.nu/ou19
  Replies (9) Good night (2634) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME. http://tfl.nu/tcyr
  Replies (15) Good night (4587) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid. http://tfl.nu/iodi
  Replies (5) Good night (1209) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT http://tfl.nu/r8ka
  Replies (21) Good night (6767) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face http://tfl.nu/3atc
  Replies (7) Good night (1681) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me. http://tfl.nu/vlc7
  Replies (2) Good night (2099) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style http://tfl.nu/rcp4
  Replies (104) Good night (9055) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6331) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl http://tfl.nu/2p2x
  Replies (43) Good night (2634) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe http://tfl.nu/mnt3
  Replies (5) Good night (1778) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day http://tfl.nu/v7qa
  Replies (39) Good night (5436) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  you really are a gigantic fucking slut.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): you really are a gigantic fucking slut. (614): sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text (1-614): it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh? http://tfl.nu/0prb
  Replies (6) Good night (3369) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking? http://tfl.nu/e79x
  Replies (3) Good night (1511) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it. http://tfl.nu/qoct
  Replies (15) Good night (2211) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up? http://tfl.nu/08g9
  Replies (7) Good night (4229) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America. http://tfl.nu/aex4
  Replies (15) Good night (7384) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/87a2
  Replies (4) Good night (2076) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Let's paint friendship bongs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Let's paint friendship bongs http://tfl.nu/nm34
  Replies (5) Good night (2169) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever. http://tfl.nu/xm2c
  Replies (40) Good night (7567) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so. http://tfl.nu/nluj
  Replies (7) Good night (3260) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober http://tfl.nu/nwgl
  Replies (10) Good night (4909) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed http://tfl.nu/eoyh
  Replies (17) Good night (5711) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you. http://tfl.nu/zer9
  Replies (16) Good night (3044) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on. http://tfl.nu/nhak
  Replies (8) Good night (1413) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed. http://tfl.nu/2338
  Replies (20) Good night (5509) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this. http://tfl.nu/iqku
  Replies (46) Good night (6898) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk? http://tfl.nu/c8sl
  Replies (24) Good night (2242) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis http://tfl.nu/770f
  Replies (8) Good night (1862) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  I smell like gasoline and adventure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (779): I smell like gasoline and adventure. http://tfl.nu/rkdf
  Replies (18) Good night (2361) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero http://tfl.nu/upbm
  Replies (16) Good night (2370) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius? (1-479): If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area http://tfl.nu/19ec
  Replies (10) Good night (1731) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on http://tfl.nu/0ff0
  Replies (8) Good night (1000) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right http://tfl.nu/f22x
  Replies (20) Good night (2433) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry" http://tfl.nu/cwet
  Replies (39) Good night (7633) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way. http://tfl.nu/i55j
  Replies (3) Good night (3211) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME. http://tfl.nu/kpqr
  Replies (5) Good night (1339) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits http://tfl.nu/qyqs
  Replies (54) Good night (4759) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything http://tfl.nu/1m1m
  Replies (11) Good night (1978) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step http://tfl.nu/hwjf
  Replies (24) Good night (3253) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You can't wash away shame.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I can try.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): You can't wash away shame. (1-781): I can try. http://tfl.nu/os07
  Replies (8) Good night (1238) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you http://tfl.nu/xexu
  Replies (7) Good night (1618) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you. http://tfl.nu/q4u2
  Replies (13) Good night (2023) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.." http://tfl.nu/m3fa
  Replies (6) Good night (2701) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be. http://tfl.nu/g4eu
  Replies (3) Good night (1485) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): 8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs. http://tfl.nu/mvq2
  Replies (13) Good night (2549) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Those memories are both hazy and awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom? (401): Those memories are both hazy and awesome. http://tfl.nu/ars0
  Replies (6) Good night (1794) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours http://tfl.nu/smol
  Replies (3) Good night (1368) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just make sure my intervention has a theme...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Just make sure my intervention has a theme... http://tfl.nu/wrxo
  Replies (9) Good night (1492) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win. http://tfl.nu/kl48
  Replies (2) Good night (1320) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Hey you

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Hey you (732): You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up? http://tfl.nu/ejs0
  Replies (42) Good night (2186) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something. http://tfl.nu/fnx9
  Replies (5) Good night (2056) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this" http://tfl.nu/ybbk
  Replies (1) Good night (875) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  ...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): ...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere. http://tfl.nu/gwb4
  Replies (8) Good night (2233) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/2o7o
  Replies (8) Good night (1293) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat. (1-916): Can we laminate it? Just to be safe. http://tfl.nu/1wiq
  Replies (4) Good night (2429) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half! http://tfl.nu/uska
  Replies (4) Good night (1146) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar. http://tfl.nu/yxk9
  Replies (15) Good night (2475) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles? (1-609): In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions http://tfl.nu/67pw
  Replies (2) Good night (1705) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did. http://tfl.nu/9hm6
  Replies (8) Good night (3292) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman. http://tfl.nu/nx72
  Replies (7) Good night (2292) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues. http://tfl.nu/dcql
  Replies (5) Good night (1259) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished. http://tfl.nu/d04x
  Replies (12) Good night (4965) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white http://tfl.nu/fhnw
  Replies (5) Good night (631) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from." http://tfl.nu/4vvg
  Replies (6) Good night (1581) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have a surprise for you guys

  (937): View more from Ohio

  What is it?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I have a surprise for you guys (937): What is it? (740): A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS http://tfl.nu/bt31
  Replies (20) Good night (3717) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I rest my case.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO. (1-720): Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving. (720): I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW. (720): I rest my case. http://tfl.nu/ktzi
  Replies (10) Good night (1897) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  BoomCity!!!

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): BoomCity!!! (1-937): You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong. http://tfl.nu/5msc
  Replies (10) Good night (2193) Bad night (289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low. http://tfl.nu/8ydo
  Replies (6) Good night (775) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful... http://tfl.nu/18jg
  Replies (3) Good night (992) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers http://tfl.nu/wazn
  Replies (6) Good night (1244) Bad night (247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest. http://tfl.nu/mbi2
  Replies (5) Good night (941) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  if not i want to bang those glasses off his face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you? (828): if not i want to bang those glasses off his face http://tfl.nu/l0mr
  Replies (4) Good night (1188) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole http://tfl.nu/3dil
  Replies (7) Good night (2242) Bad night (200)