Texts From Last Night

JadenT's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (85) Good night (3271) Bad night (39394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME??? http://tfl.nu/x0d6
  Replies (46) Good night (2167) Bad night (17697)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142152) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level. http://tfl.nu/6nqz
  Replies (27) Good night (1315) Bad night (8715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You spelled "worthless" wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note. (773): You spelled "worthless" wrong. http://tfl.nu/nbo3
  Replies (66) Good night (1443) Bad night (8448)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age. http://tfl.nu/4icz
  Replies (31) Good night (578) Bad night (8407)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser. http://tfl.nu/232e
  Replies (24) Good night (1655) Bad night (7925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59123) Bad night (7124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (6213) Bad night (6702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome http://tfl.nu/zb92
  Replies (30) Good night (2655) Bad night (6296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence? http://tfl.nu/hkha
  Replies (23) Good night (1635) Bad night (5016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!! http://tfl.nu/o3fb
  Replies (29) Good night (769) Bad night (4807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Sorry- wrong number! :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier. (260): Sorry- wrong number! :) http://tfl.nu/1604
  Replies (18) Good night (1383) Bad night (4781)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  who is this?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  jesse's little brother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good (651): who is this? (612): jesse's little brother http://tfl.nu/8x0e
  Replies (42) Good night (1489) Bad night (4598)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/jw9u
  Replies (17) Good night (719) Bad night (4082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million. http://tfl.nu/4jbr
  Replies (25) Good night (906) Bad night (4007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus http://tfl.nu/qqxc
  Replies (37) Good night (1139) Bad night (3984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that. http://tfl.nu/pf1d
  Replies (18) Good night (551) Bad night (3980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be http://tfl.nu/q4d6
  Replies (166) Good night (2002) Bad night (3879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Michael Bay diarrhea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Michael Bay diarrhea http://tfl.nu/1hpz
  Replies (25) Good night (527) Bad night (3771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it" http://tfl.nu/8m3i
  Replies (34) Good night (904) Bad night (3421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket. http://tfl.nu/78sj
  Replies (27) Good night (1878) Bad night (3338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles. (908): Fuck I'm high. http://tfl.nu/titc
  Replies (56) Good night (1610) Bad night (3301)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN http://tfl.nu/xbeq
  Replies (26) Good night (478) Bad night (2968)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (127) Good night (127085) Bad night (2830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco. http://tfl.nu/l4az
  Replies (11) Good night (543) Bad night (2734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  that's gum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years? (815): that's gum http://tfl.nu/8le7
  Replies (42) Good night (2812) Bad night (2700)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (51238) Bad night (2588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history http://tfl.nu/ot0p
  Replies (19) Good night (1089) Bad night (2537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64842) Bad night (2523)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man. http://tfl.nu/dffi
  Replies (17) Good night (746) Bad night (2375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle. http://tfl.nu/x2qg
  Replies (11) Good night (1500) Bad night (1974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars (910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT http://tfl.nu/70k5
  Replies (82) Good night (39580) Bad night (1945)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address.... http://tfl.nu/ivpp
  Replies (28) Good night (6123) Bad night (1890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  damn...impressive bar tab

  (216): View more from Ohio

  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer http://tfl.nu/hyvf
  Replies (13) Good night (1144) Bad night (1851)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (10426) Bad night (1842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood. http://tfl.nu/a0o1
  Replies (35) Good night (5055) Bad night (1562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
  Replies (88) Good night (9587) Bad night (1560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either. http://tfl.nu/vb3y
  Replies (47) Good night (6208) Bad night (1495)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (15573) Bad night (1477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed." http://tfl.nu/z9xx
  Replies (11) Good night (6855) Bad night (1351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance. http://tfl.nu/rnd5
  Replies (37) Good night (7544) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?

  (1-518): View more from New York

  dude. you drew those with your dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from? (1-518): dude. you drew those with your dick http://tfl.nu/4t0i
  Replies (24) Good night (7179) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing http://tfl.nu/zvza
  Replies (10) Good night (4045) Bad night (1327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me http://tfl.nu/x1tc
  Replies (8) Good night (1116) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (35) Good night (15101) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful http://tfl.nu/3flc
  Replies (30) Good night (6925) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken... http://tfl.nu/8g1q
  Replies (55) Good night (9376) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete. http://tfl.nu/oev7
  Replies (20) Good night (3847) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.

  (1-310): View more from California

  ewwww. she might as well have a dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): she cant drink. allergic to alcohol. (1-310): ewwww. she might as well have a dick. http://tfl.nu/aucq
  Replies (28) Good night (462) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8715) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (3729) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex. http://tfl.nu/iyvz
  Replies (17) Good night (9122) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  So glad I found your sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find. (443): So glad I found your sister. http://tfl.nu/p3yp
  Replies (36) Good night (9704) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat. http://tfl.nu/hdie
  Replies (16) Good night (5584) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible http://tfl.nu/my4k
  Replies (17) Good night (8229) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out. http://tfl.nu/zite
  Replies (19) Good night (4541) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (7021) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  630.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains? (1-678): 630. http://tfl.nu/hncc
  Replies (22) Good night (6612) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand http://tfl.nu/igpj
  Replies (24) Good night (2449) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent http://tfl.nu/311d
  Replies (37) Good night (3110) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?' http://tfl.nu/rnao
  Replies (12) Good night (3739) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me. http://tfl.nu/jc9x
  Replies (29) Good night (4164) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. http://tfl.nu/9cqq
  Replies (15) Good night (5064) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered. http://tfl.nu/j70b
  Replies (10) Good night (7552) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown. http://tfl.nu/tv3d
  Replies (40) Good night (7223) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just hotboxed my laundry basket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I just hotboxed my laundry basket. http://tfl.nu/rt8k
  Replies (11) Good night (3184) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen http://tfl.nu/1apt
  Replies (44) Good night (7896) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her. http://tfl.nu/rtst
  Replies (58) Good night (8369) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat. http://tfl.nu/4rv6
  Replies (9) Good night (8190) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport... http://tfl.nu/e5jz
  Replies (12) Good night (4181) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (6005) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/ipi0
  Replies (8) Good night (3901) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa http://tfl.nu/56cb
  Replies (23) Good night (7216) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf? http://tfl.nu/ht45
  Replies (15) Good night (3960) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts http://tfl.nu/g5xn
  Replies (44) Good night (4908) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed. http://tfl.nu/y5o9
  Replies (22) Good night (5962) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/1jen
  Replies (12) Good night (6937) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night http://tfl.nu/yysc
  Replies (3) Good night (2404) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/lbmt
  Replies (43) Good night (6278) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night. http://tfl.nu/uc8g
  Replies (6) Good night (4035) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed. http://tfl.nu/9td1
  Replies (14) Good night (4651) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality http://tfl.nu/65cw
  Replies (44) Good night (7406) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height http://tfl.nu/mxot
  Replies (9) Good night (4594) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (10333) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high. http://tfl.nu/m92h
  Replies (8) Good night (3077) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta http://tfl.nu/zeqg
  Replies (86) Good night (2965) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!! (860): I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo http://tfl.nu/vjys
  Replies (13) Good night (8183) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  why weren't you at the audition last night?

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  booty call before role call

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): why weren't you at the audition last night? (1-804): booty call before role call http://tfl.nu/sna4
  Replies (17) Good night (5037) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (10952) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  They were actually really boring considering how we met them.

  (1-845): View more from New York

  howd you meet them?

  (845): View more from New York

  They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): They were actually really boring considering how we met them. (1-845): howd you meet them? (845): They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs. http://tfl.nu/zyna
  Replies (18) Good night (4376) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit http://tfl.nu/192j
  Replies (27) Good night (4868) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex. http://tfl.nu/qat1
  Replies (18) Good night (5287) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries. http://tfl.nu/yhvv
  Replies (12) Good night (6373) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU http://tfl.nu/x7kk
  Replies (76) Good night (6193) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Are you high and at a petting zoo again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals (480): Are you high and at a petting zoo again? http://tfl.nu/ph9z
  Replies (4) Good night (4978) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge? http://tfl.nu/bwm6
  Replies (41) Good night (6589) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? http://tfl.nu/fgrz
  Replies (59) Good night (9474) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong? http://tfl.nu/7sw3
  Replies (13) Good night (3779) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment... http://tfl.nu/srde
  Replies (8) Good night (2801) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah http://tfl.nu/jyz7
  Replies (9) Good night (2110) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha how do you remember that?

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  HOW COULD I FORGET?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later. (1-717): Haha how do you remember that? (717): HOW COULD I FORGET?! http://tfl.nu/ylr0
  Replies (39) Good night (5375) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  ha well at least you have goals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong. (208): ha well at least you have goals. http://tfl.nu/c71p
  Replies (49) Good night (6853) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash. http://tfl.nu/jj6x
  Replies (7) Good night (1825) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets. http://tfl.nu/drct
  Replies (7) Good night (3206) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Come over. Drunk tacos.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  That isn't even a sentence.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I kept the important parts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Come over. Drunk tacos. (1-214): That isn't even a sentence. (214): I kept the important parts. http://tfl.nu/2pq0
  Replies (8) Good night (4599) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer" http://tfl.nu/i0t9
  Replies (33) Good night (8150) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go. http://tfl.nu/8sa8
  Replies (29) Good night (2385) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu http://tfl.nu/ucad
  Replies (12) Good night (7176) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away. http://tfl.nu/4aee
  Replies (25) Good night (1517) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket . http://tfl.nu/mvi5
  Replies (58) Good night (6604) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this. http://tfl.nu/zxgb
  Replies (5) Good night (3084) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/4hqu
  Replies (30) Good night (8180) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!! http://tfl.nu/rxuv
  Replies (9) Good night (957) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi

  (214): View more from Texas

  ok, stay where you are, be there soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi (214): ok, stay where you are, be there soon http://tfl.nu/1y99
  Replies (55) Good night (2356) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal" http://tfl.nu/pkcw
  Replies (12) Good night (5245) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.

  (214): View more from Texas

  so how much did i say i owed you?

  (972): View more from Texas

  $5 and a new fuck buddy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards. (214): so how much did i say i owed you? (972): $5 and a new fuck buddy. http://tfl.nu/zurg
  Replies (21) Good night (3079) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds. http://tfl.nu/6mgz
  Replies (41) Good night (4072) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So for us it's double that?

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Precisely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime. (717): So for us it's double that? (570): Precisely. http://tfl.nu/p9hg
  Replies (33) Good night (4871) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true http://tfl.nu/xhyv
  Replies (20) Good night (4598) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad http://tfl.nu/podg
  Replies (3) Good night (1238) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life. http://tfl.nu/6kb7
  Replies (8) Good night (4056) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god. http://tfl.nu/qi32
  Replies (5) Good night (6433) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  pussy has no personality

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Amen to that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that (484): pussy has no personality (609): Amen to that http://tfl.nu/mkon
  Replies (17) Good night (2709) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I only kidnapped one of them. chill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I only kidnapped one of them. chill http://tfl.nu/ogw5
  Replies (10) Good night (2843) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand. http://tfl.nu/3nr4
  Replies (31) Good night (4997) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would be honored to be that friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people (617): I would be honored to be that friend. http://tfl.nu/ohrl
  Replies (22) Good night (5817) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success. http://tfl.nu/9rt5
  Replies (11) Good night (6598) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !! (832): Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless. http://tfl.nu/apa0
  Replies (20) Good night (3773) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor. http://tfl.nu/6xcl
  Replies (9) Good night (2041) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american. http://tfl.nu/pd31
  Replies (11) Good night (3058) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors. http://tfl.nu/tdd7
  Replies (45) Good night (10208) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy http://tfl.nu/msis
  Replies (76) Good night (6295) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero. http://tfl.nu/osga
  Replies (6) Good night (3332) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store. http://tfl.nu/xk1d
  Replies (2) Good night (2235) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  These are the tickets we got last night.

  (361): View more from Texas

  Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  Yes...yes you did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): What are these yellow papers in the kitchen? (1-361): These are the tickets we got last night. (361): Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear? (1-361): Yes...yes you did. http://tfl.nu/myva
  Replies (25) Good night (4170) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.

  (415): View more from California

  be there in 3 mins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit. (415): be there in 3 mins http://tfl.nu/00q0
  Replies (26) Good night (3395) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace... (1-405): Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar http://tfl.nu/6slq
  Replies (16) Good night (1821) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/ez0g
  Replies (13) Good night (8545) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am http://tfl.nu/cj17
  Replies (24) Good night (3942) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now

  (1-484): View more from Pennsylvania

  sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now (1-484): sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up? (484): :) http://tfl.nu/8r3p
  Replies (12) Good night (3703) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics

  (1-607): View more from New York

  That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder

  (1-607): View more from New York

  Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics (1-607): That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder (1-607): Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in? http://tfl.nu/6ryu
  Replies (25) Good night (5070) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered http://tfl.nu/5zea
  Replies (6) Good night (2879) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  so explain again why im purple

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): so explain again why im purple (617): no http://tfl.nu/yipi
  Replies (10) Good night (1745) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial. http://tfl.nu/2fb2
  Replies (14) Good night (4093) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I like to think it a success when the cops are called

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I like to think it a success when the cops are called http://tfl.nu/b8sa
  Replies (3) Good night (1215) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up http://tfl.nu/rtem
  Replies (23) Good night (3496) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke. http://tfl.nu/stms
  Replies (15) Good night (4140) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt