Texts From Last Night

IndyTex's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"

  (1-415): View more from California

  What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.

  (415): View more from California

  He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!" (1-415): What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy. (415): He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie." http://tfl.nu/chbe
  Replies (27) Good night (880) Bad night (9530)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator? http://tfl.nu/votk
  Replies (50) Good night (1510) Bad night (8542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (6209) Bad night (6700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  can you blame him?

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): can you blame him? (519): i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT http://tfl.nu/oyzm
  Replies (46) Good night (1257) Bad night (6400)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome http://tfl.nu/pei8
  Replies (45) Good night (833) Bad night (6346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  grandma shit on top of the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): grandma shit on top of the toilet http://tfl.nu/v03m
  Replies (17) Good night (862) Bad night (5764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever. http://tfl.nu/0i0j
  Replies (31) Good night (787) Bad night (5764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  What?

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dont open the beer drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge. (1-352): What? (352): Just dont open the beer drawer. http://tfl.nu/02la
  Replies (16) Good night (1487) Bad night (5595)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg (1-973): gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something? (973): yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars http://tfl.nu/7tyz
  Replies (18) Good night (1397) Bad night (5540)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet. http://tfl.nu/uu2t
  Replies (6) Good night (1439) Bad night (5318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating... http://tfl.nu/t9b4
  Replies (47) Good night (1389) Bad night (5318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think im pregnant

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think you have the wrong number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I think im pregnant (803): I think you have the wrong number http://tfl.nu/a8yw
  Replies (66) Good night (1070) Bad night (5292)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/6rsg
  Replies (6) Good night (1295) Bad night (5251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's? http://tfl.nu/rb01
  Replies (18) Good night (823) Bad night (5006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero. http://tfl.nu/4xtx
  Replies (33) Good night (1596) Bad night (4885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja
  Replies (30) Good night (2868) Bad night (4869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/rlh2
  Replies (16) Good night (986) Bad night (4587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill http://tfl.nu/ddir
  Replies (4) Good night (1284) Bad night (4501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c
  Replies (46) Good night (1082) Bad night (4497)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos. http://tfl.nu/b1xi
  Replies (22) Good night (1009) Bad night (3956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order http://tfl.nu/64q0
  Replies (11) Good night (1151) Bad night (3935)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race http://tfl.nu/f3bd
  Replies (17) Good night (501) Bad night (3279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  she is a standing ovation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face. (507): she is a standing ovation. http://tfl.nu/6atu
  Replies (14) Good night (616) Bad night (2992)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point http://tfl.nu/71ih
  Replies (20) Good night (694) Bad night (2916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld
  Replies (33) Good night (11343) Bad night (2894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i cant lie to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal? (919): i cant lie to you. http://tfl.nu/vpro
  Replies (56) Good night (685) Bad night (2852)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  the day after is always just damage control

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): the day after is always just damage control http://tfl.nu/ugvq
  Replies (6) Good night (1032) Bad night (2657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested http://tfl.nu/mffy
  Replies (7) Good night (1660) Bad night (2532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/q55a
  Replies (11) Good night (5394) Bad night (2070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella http://tfl.nu/sjyh
  Replies (34) Good night (6060) Bad night (2018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves. http://tfl.nu/btjv
  Replies (13) Good night (1224) Bad night (1899)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea. http://tfl.nu/ey40
  Replies (3) Good night (1108) Bad night (1791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5
  Replies (140) Good night (6996) Bad night (1643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt
  Replies (13) Good night (9432) Bad night (1629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb
  Replies (31) Good night (14740) Bad night (1575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!! http://tfl.nu/05kd
  Replies (15) Good night (4716) Bad night (1561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me http://tfl.nu/ef5u
  Replies (12) Good night (4709) Bad night (1517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to. http://tfl.nu/ryqs
  Replies (9) Good night (4282) Bad night (1507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week http://tfl.nu/xhkj
  Replies (11) Good night (4131) Bad night (1491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant http://tfl.nu/lnj1
  Replies (40) Good night (4827) Bad night (1438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it

  (917): View more from New York City

  the suitcase or the dildo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it (917): the suitcase or the dildo? http://tfl.nu/j1en
  Replies (39) Good night (10027) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I am coming home for anal

  (254): View more from Texas

  * a nap*

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I am coming home for anal (254): * a nap* http://tfl.nu/ou5x
  Replies (39) Good night (11802) Bad night (1421)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time. http://tfl.nu/dyz5
  Replies (20) Good night (4886) Bad night (1409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this. (517): Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one. http://tfl.nu/v0gx
  Replies (49) Good night (6185) Bad night (1403)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (10179) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child http://tfl.nu/48ux
  Replies (31) Good night (7838) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (12868) Bad night (1328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night. http://tfl.nu/2z1d
  Replies (8) Good night (4838) Bad night (1313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  that was a mass text, wasnt it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared. (1-303): that was a mass text, wasnt it? http://tfl.nu/9i1u
  Replies (22) Good night (6988) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever" http://tfl.nu/wsl5
  Replies (41) Good night (8085) Bad night (1298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued. http://tfl.nu/lx8b
  Replies (21) Good night (4778) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e
  Replies (27) Good night (6657) Bad night (1282)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (9106) Bad night (1231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama? http://tfl.nu/w817
  Replies (11) Good night (5020) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16738) Bad night (1207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (8759) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door... http://tfl.nu/wacl
  Replies (14) Good night (4121) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation. http://tfl.nu/r77c
  Replies (19) Good night (4998) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy
  Replies (48) Good night (22065) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer http://tfl.nu/xvzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4647) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes. http://tfl.nu/egav
  Replies (28) Good night (7975) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement? http://tfl.nu/kphp
  Replies (6) Good night (5133) Bad night (1114)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?

  (317): View more from Indiana

  all hypothetical of course

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all? (317): all hypothetical of course http://tfl.nu/v0tg
  Replies (14) Good night (5370) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield. http://tfl.nu/furb
  Replies (29) Good night (11315) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole http://tfl.nu/4rln
  Replies (12) Good night (5399) Bad night (1083)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were http://tfl.nu/3ofv
  Replies (14) Good night (5691) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (13191) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (33557) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends. http://tfl.nu/o9if
  Replies (35) Good night (5569) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows. http://tfl.nu/2kv7
  Replies (17) Good night (4568) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (5996) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  This is the prime rib incident all over again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): This is the prime rib incident all over again http://tfl.nu/74hx
  Replies (14) Good night (3095) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (9127) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals. http://tfl.nu/ise6
  Replies (9) Good night (4259) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection. http://tfl.nu/sw7e
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  my sisters under your porch take her home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): my sisters under your porch take her home http://tfl.nu/rfs3
  Replies (10) Good night (4666) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (7285) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god. (513): and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon. http://tfl.nu/ae2p
  Replies (21) Good night (5379) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high. http://tfl.nu/dl85
  Replies (63) Good night (7926) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8899) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  I hope you meant gum...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day. (1-410): I hope you meant gum... http://tfl.nu/fcg7
  Replies (35) Good night (4927) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head. http://tfl.nu/uhfs
  Replies (7) Good night (4252) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water. http://tfl.nu/9vgl
  Replies (6) Good night (4350) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.

  (1+44): View more from

  When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man. (1+44): When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree. http://tfl.nu/esvb
  Replies (9) Good night (1560) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going. http://tfl.nu/db5s
  Replies (20) Good night (4562) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that. http://tfl.nu/dpbh
  Replies (13) Good night (7515) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up? (812): You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/331c
  Replies (48) Good night (8801) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning. http://tfl.nu/55ug
  Replies (12) Good night (4344) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7438) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final. http://tfl.nu/j44u
  Replies (9) Good night (5347) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be http://tfl.nu/8bju
  Replies (209) Good night (19613) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan http://tfl.nu/uipi
  Replies (16) Good night (5524) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I need you to use more vowels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar (219): I need you to use more vowels. http://tfl.nu/cjfw
  Replies (15) Good night (8033) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is. http://tfl.nu/or0q
  Replies (20) Good night (4444) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot. http://tfl.nu/qalf
  Replies (15) Good night (7750) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns". http://tfl.nu/398g
  Replies (12) Good night (2461) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period. http://tfl.nu/d1q3
  Replies (7) Good night (4914) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run." http://tfl.nu/6vvj
  Replies (17) Good night (6870) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume. http://tfl.nu/gckc
  Replies (46) Good night (13097) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside. http://tfl.nu/2kyw
  Replies (24) Good night (4813) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this. http://tfl.nu/j4ab
  Replies (5) Good night (4595) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing. http://tfl.nu/vu1b
  Replies (13) Good night (6687) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night? http://tfl.nu/w8rd
  Replies (9) Good night (3770) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen. http://tfl.nu/c2d0
  Replies (14) Good night (5346) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry" http://tfl.nu/fk1l
  Replies (21) Good night (11343) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas. http://tfl.nu/7s9z
  Replies (14) Good night (4268) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn http://tfl.nu/666p
  Replies (20) Good night (6558) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant. http://tfl.nu/xyax
  Replies (8) Good night (2564) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus. http://tfl.nu/t4dv
  Replies (20) Good night (7989) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (658): View more from

  Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (658): Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk http://tfl.nu/a8a4
  Replies (5) Good night (2412) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on http://tfl.nu/v7m7
  Replies (41) Good night (6663) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat http://tfl.nu/dsa2
  Replies (7) Good night (1511) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it. http://tfl.nu/g3nc
  Replies (19) Good night (5764) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle. http://tfl.nu/ihsx
  Replies (4) Good night (2579) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever. http://tfl.nu/26l9
  Replies (23) Good night (7009) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned. http://tfl.nu/ygc3
  Replies (14) Good night (5237) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week. http://tfl.nu/rnvn
  Replies (27) Good night (4554) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said http://tfl.nu/bvpk
  Replies (41) Good night (6507) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and by charming I mean he has a horse cock. http://tfl.nu/nr21
  Replies (40) Good night (8720) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up. (812): I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls? http://tfl.nu/pl92
  Replies (25) Good night (13844) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese. http://tfl.nu/t7g1
  Replies (22) Good night (2739) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night. http://tfl.nu/4khi
  Replies (34) Good night (4418) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant http://tfl.nu/765y
  Replies (32) Good night (6033) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!' http://tfl.nu/twcd
  Replies (28) Good night (7361) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions. http://tfl.nu/7qp6
  Replies (29) Good night (8170) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze. http://tfl.nu/rr46
  Replies (27) Good night (5674) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi

  (214): View more from Texas

  ok, stay where you are, be there soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi (214): ok, stay where you are, be there soon http://tfl.nu/1y99
  Replies (55) Good night (2356) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew http://tfl.nu/mfmq
  Replies (8) Good night (3566) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6330) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks http://tfl.nu/gqzi
  Replies (11) Good night (3233) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision http://tfl.nu/1pgb
  Replies (21) Good night (4548) Bad night (516)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language http://tfl.nu/v1ob
  Replies (17) Good night (4399) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  am i morally bankrupt?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  no. its just the recession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): am i morally bankrupt? (970): no. its just the recession http://tfl.nu/r26w
  Replies (5) Good night (2568) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I've decided to bang my pen-pal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I've decided to bang my pen-pal. http://tfl.nu/dcyn
  Replies (35) Good night (3712) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now? http://tfl.nu/j3p5
  Replies (9) Good night (2099) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  be more specific...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen? (1-248): be more specific...? http://tfl.nu/5e4s
  Replies (6) Good night (1746) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call. http://tfl.nu/fjfe
  Replies (35) Good night (4320) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk http://tfl.nu/qmhf
  Replies (4) Good night (5580) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza" http://tfl.nu/yszc
  Replies (11) Good night (3769) Bad night (452)