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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sarcasm needs its own font
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
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