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I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
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