Texts From Last Night

imgonefdd's Favorites Texts:

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?

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  (702): I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love? http://tfl.nu/7zb0
  Replies (19) Good night (4082) Bad night (452)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Some girl just showed me her stretch marks

  (757): View more from Virginia

  You need to get out of tn

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  (304): Some girl just showed me her stretch marks (757): You need to get out of tn http://tfl.nu/alqm
  Replies (7) Good night (414) Bad night (1427)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.

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  (920): Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be. http://tfl.nu/nyya
  Replies (2) Good night (1225) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs

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  (860): I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs http://tfl.nu/e3vg
  Replies (14) Good night (1019) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"

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  (865): Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris" http://tfl.nu/5ny6
  Replies (6) Good night (2099) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS

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  (717): Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS http://tfl.nu/pbtw
  Replies (19) Good night (971) Bad night (2103) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.

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  (631): We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata. http://tfl.nu/hydj
  Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.

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  (865): He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends. http://tfl.nu/ncfq
  Replies (7) Good night (2567) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE

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  (919): she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE http://tfl.nu/jqwa
  Replies (18) Good night (4008) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.

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  (604): Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas. http://tfl.nu/feay
  Replies (11) Good night (2115) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142157) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
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  (851): View more from

  Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.

  (522): View more from

  Don't break up.

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  (851): Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th. (522): Don't break up. http://tfl.nu/7rul
  Replies (12) Good night (2161) Bad night (463)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.

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  (815): My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time. http://tfl.nu/dmh2
  Replies (9) Good night (2508) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..

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  (604): You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude.. http://tfl.nu/bx2g
  Replies (6) Good night (2662) Bad night (480)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you found the shrooms didnt you

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  (484): how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time (215): you found the shrooms didnt you http://tfl.nu/rmts
  Replies (7) Good night (4094) Bad night (517)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.

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  (314): You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you. http://tfl.nu/pksa
  Replies (6) Good night (4554) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.

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  (253): There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs. http://tfl.nu/3p74
  Replies (22) Good night (5086) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.

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  (305): It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you. http://tfl.nu/cw12
  Replies (26) Good night (5368) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...

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  (770): Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less... http://tfl.nu/7jyd
  Replies (5) Good night (1394) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  I have got to meet this girl.

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  (860): she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW (1-860): I have got to meet this girl. http://tfl.nu/ejln
  Replies (7) Good night (2065) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.

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  (647): It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud. http://tfl.nu/qzq0
  Replies (7) Good night (1443) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.

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  (909): I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us. http://tfl.nu/99mo
  Replies (6) Good night (589) Bad night (2222) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.

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  (773): All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that. http://tfl.nu/u65f
  Replies (3) Good night (2025) Bad night (406)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.

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  (574): Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance. http://tfl.nu/jrt8
  Replies (6) Good night (427) Bad night (2066)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.

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  (517): Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons. http://tfl.nu/2wud
  Replies (4) Good night (1410) Bad night (771)
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  (858): View more from California

  He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities

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  (858): He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities http://tfl.nu/i2zo
  Replies (3) Good night (2738) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina

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  (504): it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina http://tfl.nu/k8v5
  Replies (16) Good night (721) Bad night (8145) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

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  (732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken... http://tfl.nu/8g1q
  Replies (55) Good night (9377) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7

  (1-845): View more from New York

  id pin you as more of an 8

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  (845): i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7 (1-845): id pin you as more of an 8 http://tfl.nu/ua5n
  Replies (14) Good night (2735) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.

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  (734): cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink. (630): if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan. http://tfl.nu/ows1
  Replies (6) Good night (1215) Bad night (1441)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.

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  (785): You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina. http://tfl.nu/6dr6
  Replies (8) Good night (3003) Bad night (776)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.

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  (802): She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave. http://tfl.nu/huhd
  Replies (7) Good night (3331) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.

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  (410): If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living. http://tfl.nu/sgz4
  Replies (9) Good night (3612) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?

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  (541): bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me? http://tfl.nu/wm16
  Replies (27) Good night (570) Bad night (2929) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.

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  (413): She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker. (1-413): That's effing brilliant. We should start a business. http://tfl.nu/l4ou
  Replies (7) Good night (1779) Bad night (436)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  sick fucks of a feather flock together

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  (406): sick fucks of a feather flock together http://tfl.nu/mkne
  Replies (9) Good night (1963) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"

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  (801): Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night" http://tfl.nu/sbyz
  Replies (7) Good night (1656) Bad night (425)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Do you have any booze?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

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  (817): Do you have any booze? (214): Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl... http://tfl.nu/sb57
  Replies (9) Good night (2156) Bad night (420)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.

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  (425): One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake. http://tfl.nu/mhbs
  Replies (14) Good night (1058) Bad night (1646) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?

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  (201): Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/of56
  Replies (30) Good night (6805) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.

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  (847): My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan. http://tfl.nu/ww9p
  Replies (10) Good night (2297) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.

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  (250): I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not. (250): A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop. http://tfl.nu/aiao
  Replies (13) Good night (1205) Bad night (615)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.

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  (905): Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today. http://tfl.nu/u9so
  Replies (37) Good night (1099) Bad night (2754) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question

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  (570): I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me (1-570): How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question http://tfl.nu/l5jk
  Replies (11) Good night (760) Bad night (1456)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  What do you wear to apply at a strip club?

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  (734): What do you wear to apply at a strip club? http://tfl.nu/ttz5
  Replies (17) Good night (2094) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He won't sleep with me again until I commit...

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.

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  (320): He won't sleep with me again until I commit... (1-320): Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick. http://tfl.nu/wb9n
  Replies (11) Good night (1949) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  Best Friends For Life.

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  (815): You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub. (1-815): Best Friends For Life. http://tfl.nu/ev62
  Replies (7) Good night (3312) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that

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  (425): He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that http://tfl.nu/3z2y
  Replies (14) Good night (594) Bad night (1970) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.

  (925): View more from California

  he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!

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  (510): in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water. (925): he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy! http://tfl.nu/d51r
  Replies (5) Good night (830) Bad night (1494)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.

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  (416): You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams. http://tfl.nu/dmv7
  Replies (4) Good night (1807) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.

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  (432): I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line. http://tfl.nu/q8nl
  Replies (20) Good night (4345) Bad night (731)
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  (707): View more from California

  They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.

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  (707): They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR. (705): I NEED to see if his girl has a sister. http://tfl.nu/ou19
  Replies (9) Good night (2635) Bad night (625)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.

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  (847): I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it. http://tfl.nu/gdcc
  Replies (20) Good night (4172) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt