Texts From Last Night

tpike1296's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME. http://tfl.nu/mbtp
  Replies (11) Good night (735) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned http://tfl.nu/hhst
  Replies (3) Good night (858) Bad night (1516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (848): I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa http://tfl.nu/605l
  Replies (149) Good night (4952) Bad night (55643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible. http://tfl.nu/qw88
  Replies (3) Good night (736) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out" http://tfl.nu/hlb2
  Replies (2) Good night (846) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (21) Good night (13376) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked. http://tfl.nu/g4y8
  Replies (45) Good night (1214) Bad night (9105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me http://tfl.nu/jvjy
  Replies (19) Good night (7935) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now. http://tfl.nu/zi6o
  Replies (16) Good night (1154) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (11866) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth. http://tfl.nu/is4b
  Replies (22) Good night (1142) Bad night (2656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake http://tfl.nu/m3xg
  Replies (13) Good night (2966) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter http://tfl.nu/d1e8
  Replies (62) Good night (537) Bad night (2772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?

  (904): View more from Florida

  Both

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): What are you talking about? And how drunk are you? (904): Both http://tfl.nu/7q6w
  Replies (18) Good night (5776) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself. http://tfl.nu/6r98
  Replies (27) Good night (10683) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks http://tfl.nu/7398
  Replies (64) Good night (1129) Bad night (6150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this? http://tfl.nu/n5g9
  Replies (3) Good night (1414) Bad night (238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy http://tfl.nu/t11r
  Replies (13) Good night (2117) Bad night (283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend. http://tfl.nu/0gh5
  Replies (10) Good night (3019) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness http://tfl.nu/j7n1
  Replies (4) Good night (1220) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch http://tfl.nu/6s8v
  Replies (12) Good night (2577) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule. http://tfl.nu/83wx
  Replies (5) Good night (1874) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background http://tfl.nu/seul
  Replies (10) Good night (1943) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well. http://tfl.nu/39wu
  Replies (20) Good night (6981) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more. http://tfl.nu/1w8z
  Replies (18) Good night (4926) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits. http://tfl.nu/8qqe
  Replies (7) Good night (1627) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner. http://tfl.nu/1e2r
  Replies (2) Good night (1516) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation http://tfl.nu/1tpq
  Replies (4) Good night (1376) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied? http://tfl.nu/xnft
  Replies (22) Good night (1616) Bad night (1434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right. http://tfl.nu/x0n7
  Replies (6) Good night (3193) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS. http://tfl.nu/nces
  Replies (4) Good night (1955) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas. http://tfl.nu/fgpp
  Replies (10) Good night (5068) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (143) Good night (5988) Bad night (67460)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore. http://tfl.nu/p0bd
  Replies (32) Good night (1710) Bad night (6139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+47): View more from Norway

  i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+47): i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls http://tfl.nu/1fkx
  Replies (48) Good night (10098) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day. http://tfl.nu/pcf7
  Replies (26) Good night (5005) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (19338) Bad night (1408)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (67) Good night (17216) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31265) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41836) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10450) Bad night (1285)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Does it come with a cage?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes. and food and toys.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i'll trade you an 8th for it

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal. http://tfl.nu/2d4g
  Replies (26) Good night (9222) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice. http://tfl.nu/5xpe
  Replies (21) Good night (6883) Bad night (1375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused. http://tfl.nu/4oz4
  Replies (9) Good night (5041) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt