Texts From Last Night

tedirvine's Favorites Texts:

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  (760): View more from California

  Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.

  (818): View more from California

  Because it is cat.

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  (760): Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use. (818): Because it is cat. http://tfl.nu/tbfo
  Replies (9) Good night (1411) Bad night (391)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.

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  (570): After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother. (1-570): Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off. http://tfl.nu/5ewz
  Replies (6) Good night (1706) Bad night (326)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid

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  (732): So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid http://tfl.nu/ju72
  Replies (5) Good night (403) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.

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  (850): This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/j4m5
  Replies (19) Good night (2569) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over

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  (503): drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over http://tfl.nu/dlzy
  Replies (9) Good night (1209) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.

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  (516): I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high. http://tfl.nu/l06x
  Replies (12) Good night (3548) Bad night (535)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.

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  (308): The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it. http://tfl.nu/le1i
  Replies (5) Good night (395) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?

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  (765): google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY? http://tfl.nu/u2sp
  Replies (4) Good night (801) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
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  (435): View more from Utah

  When did we convert life to cartoon?

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  (435): When did we convert life to cartoon? http://tfl.nu/wmk0
  Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (273) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"

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  (631): I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good" http://tfl.nu/jrza
  Replies (13) Good night (1601) Bad night (642)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.

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  (847): Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos. http://tfl.nu/unc3
  Replies (16) Good night (1659) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.

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  (406): Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor. http://tfl.nu/e8dt
  Replies (8) Good night (903) Bad night (391)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.

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  (717): And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes. http://tfl.nu/hx7l
  Replies (10) Good night (712) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.

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  (317): I need to beat up a magician now. BRB. http://tfl.nu/9fa0
  Replies (12) Good night (1044) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?

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  (860): How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"? http://tfl.nu/cbsf
  Replies (9) Good night (862) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".

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  (613): You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast". http://tfl.nu/iqmw
  Replies (11) Good night (2274) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.

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  (520): Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/speg
  Replies (11) Good night (972) Bad night (356)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.

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  (515): I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes. http://tfl.nu/92xn
  Replies (14) Good night (1622) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.

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  (904): Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars. http://tfl.nu/rfvc
  Replies (2) Good night (1442) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.

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  (913): My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one. http://tfl.nu/ad80
  Replies (9) Good night (961) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.

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  (941): He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud. http://tfl.nu/s98m
  Replies (16) Good night (2188) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.

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  (303): I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo. http://tfl.nu/muyk
  Replies (10) Good night (563) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd

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  (315): I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd http://tfl.nu/os0g
  Replies (8) Good night (1306) Bad night (445)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again

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  (440): I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again http://tfl.nu/lwkt
  Replies (7) Good night (1426) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.

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  (270): No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call. http://tfl.nu/mofx
  Replies (11) Good night (3460) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Omg sara

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty

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  (920): I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3 (906): Omg sara (920): I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty http://tfl.nu/fytc
  Replies (8) Good night (1456) Bad night (384)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.

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  (801): My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird. http://tfl.nu/uvgo
  Replies (7) Good night (1115) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA

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  (214): IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA http://tfl.nu/ecmd
  Replies (16) Good night (698) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?

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  (303): Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself? http://tfl.nu/1puu
  Replies (6) Good night (1504) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.

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  (907): Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman. http://tfl.nu/89v9
  Replies (14) Good night (2108) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us

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  (416): no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us http://tfl.nu/s0m4
  Replies (8) Good night (1974) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry

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  (972): we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry http://tfl.nu/ax9j
  Replies (8) Good night (409) Bad night (2041) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.

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  (541): They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay. http://tfl.nu/px2q
  Replies (6) Good night (1180) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt