Texts From Last Night · sweetpea527's Favorites

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sweetpea527's Favorites Texts:

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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(214): View more from Texas

She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

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(305): View more from Florida

I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(954): View more from Florida

tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

(1-954): View more from Florida

Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Say it nicely.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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(706): View more from Georgia

You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over

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