Texts From Last Night

skittlechik100's Favorites Texts:

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16201) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

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  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6421) Bad night (2217) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

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  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10447) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros

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  (914): i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros http://tfl.nu/6mrs
  Replies (8) Good night (4883) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

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  (928): We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in http://tfl.nu/1vzn
  Replies (17) Good night (6073) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dont! You were just serving you country

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  (770): So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now... (404): Dont! You were just serving you country http://tfl.nu/lcsl
  Replies (71) Good night (6647) Bad night (2263)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.

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  (571): found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/h3cm
  Replies (21) Good night (5515) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

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  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (10184) Bad night (1057)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.

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  (630): Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening. http://tfl.nu/nbt7
  Replies (15) Good night (5338) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  let's bang

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

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  (216): let's bang (773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no. http://tfl.nu/cr4i
  Replies (68) Good night (1275) Bad night (6223)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot

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  (417): Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot http://tfl.nu/f7xk
  Replies (52) Good night (5333) Bad night (1450) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

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  (336): i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance http://tfl.nu/wpko
  Replies (10) Good night (6177) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.

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  (760): so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig. http://tfl.nu/u35s
  Replies (12) Good night (1750) Bad night (4805) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.

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  (502): bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story. http://tfl.nu/l5v1
  Replies (8) Good night (6185) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

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  (613): oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt http://tfl.nu/x2m1
  Replies (35) Good night (3190) Bad night (6578) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?

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  (847): Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden? http://tfl.nu/x4ab
  Replies (111) Good night (12202) Bad night (1314) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You love me.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That's because, tragically, I adore whores.

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  (316): You love me. (785): That's because, tragically, I adore whores. http://tfl.nu/7eph
  Replies (29) Good night (7946) Bad night (1367)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  how high are you?

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  (336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76
  Replies (59) Good night (12148) Bad night (1540)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.

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  (203): We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved. http://tfl.nu/1hyb
  Replies (31) Good night (5728) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

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  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
  Replies (58) Good night (16494) Bad night (1839) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

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  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5727) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

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  (413): i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way" http://tfl.nu/86gt
  Replies (36) Good night (16038) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.

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  (973): YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower. http://tfl.nu/tblp
  Replies (2) Good night (1410) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.

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  (503): I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't. http://tfl.nu/gt6v
  Replies (6) Good night (3953) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...

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  (317): All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"... http://tfl.nu/vy09
  Replies (6) Good night (4681) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!

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  (712): My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN! http://tfl.nu/er39
  Replies (34) Good night (6601) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?

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  (630): Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to? http://tfl.nu/fqx3
  Replies (52) Good night (8446) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.

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  (610): she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot. http://tfl.nu/93sx
  Replies (26) Good night (6895) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

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  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
  Replies (31) Good night (8323) Bad night (2782) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm

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  (312): I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm http://tfl.nu/hl7i
  Replies (37) Good night (9043) Bad night (1503) Order T-Shirt
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.

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  (606): I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel. http://tfl.nu/sip1
  Replies (41) Good night (3868) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.

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  (706): dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you. http://tfl.nu/te9j
  Replies (23) Good night (5855) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

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  (319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met (1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated http://tfl.nu/yswc
  Replies (37) Good night (10698) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.

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  (256): Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee. http://tfl.nu/nrww
  Replies (136) Good night (5004) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

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  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (28644) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Yes.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria

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  (612): You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!! (763): Yes. (612): fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria http://tfl.nu/wx8p
  Replies (37) Good night (4424) Bad night (662)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...

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  (703): Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches... http://tfl.nu/6ywp
  Replies (47) Good night (8047) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.

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  (908): There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life. http://tfl.nu/ab1p
  Replies (87) Good night (7462) Bad night (1302) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly

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  (703): never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly http://tfl.nu/n7qz
  Replies (56) Good night (3899) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (830): View more from Texas

  You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin

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  (830): You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin http://tfl.nu/1khj
  Replies (7) Good night (734) Bad night (1593)
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  (368): View more from

  you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.

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  (368): you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning. http://tfl.nu/nfr6
  Replies (22) Good night (6750) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

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  (214): The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson. http://tfl.nu/pxr8
  Replies (286) Good night (4136) Bad night (4142)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you

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  (267): census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you http://tfl.nu/5ryg
  Replies (23) Good night (827) Bad night (1937) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined

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  (310): it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined http://tfl.nu/11oi
  Replies (15) Good night (8357) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  didn't feel it. :)

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wait what? so it's not in america?

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  (217): Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning (1-217): didn't feel it. :) (217): It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't. (1-217): wait what? so it's not in america? http://tfl.nu/0q24
  Replies (65) Good night (1051) Bad night (8500)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.

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  (305): I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry. http://tfl.nu/el5m
  Replies (65) Good night (936) Bad night (4457)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Whore.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I was being facetious

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Don't try to hide behind big words.

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  (540): Whore. (832): I was being facetious (540): Don't try to hide behind big words. http://tfl.nu/w180
  Replies (2) Good night (1988) Bad night (519)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i was rollin on her like bob the builder

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  (318): i was rollin on her like bob the builder http://tfl.nu/6lwa
  Replies (3) Good night (2286) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  We're like a lot better than the average bears

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  (312): We're like a lot better than the average bears http://tfl.nu/6x8n
  Replies (1) Good night (1255) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish i could be there for it

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  (413): Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning (1-413): More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub (413): I wish i could be there for it http://tfl.nu/f5kk
  Replies (4) Good night (2256) Bad night (439)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012

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  (217): you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012 http://tfl.nu/jiqa
  Replies (20) Good night (6047) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  You at least unplugged it right?

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  (540): I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought... (1-540): You at least unplugged it right? http://tfl.nu/cwvi
  Replies (37) Good night (1078) Bad night (3911) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.

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  (209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/yuzg
  Replies (19) Good night (6376) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.

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  (651): She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three. http://tfl.nu/b36h
  Replies (17) Good night (665) Bad night (5032) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations

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  (216): Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations http://tfl.nu/f8qq
  Replies (18) Good night (5237) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

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  (703): I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you? http://tfl.nu/lfio
  Replies (72) Good night (20804) Bad night (3577) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  this is Aaron, hi

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  (212): ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud? (1-212): this is Aaron, hi http://tfl.nu/ackd
  Replies (48) Good night (20343) Bad night (2052)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

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  (541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf
  Replies (16) Good night (7147) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

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  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

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  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

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  (678): I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night. http://tfl.nu/yws8
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me

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  (978): literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me http://tfl.nu/9ayb
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...

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  (207): Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today. (1-207): I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population... http://tfl.nu/tclz
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  (607): View more from New York

  I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"

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  (607): I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy" http://tfl.nu/7l02
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.

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  (903): I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls. (214): It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep. http://tfl.nu/5v3w
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  (845): View more from New York

  We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Who won mens moguls?

  (845): View more from New York

  That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.

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  (845): We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously? (1-845): Who won mens moguls? (845): That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude. http://tfl.nu/8mik
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

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  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
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  (850): View more from Florida

  how was your day?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?

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  (850): how was your day? (404): fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i? http://tfl.nu/0urf
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

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  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

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  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job

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  (856): Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job http://tfl.nu/pld4
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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  (513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors http://tfl.nu/2p2o
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  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

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  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
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  (626): View more from California

  Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

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  (626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is. http://tfl.nu/41jw
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