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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
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