scm's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil. http://tfl.nu/z427
  Replies (8) Good night (716) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not. http://tfl.nu/jtsf
  Replies (14) Good night (7506) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles. http://tfl.nu/pzt3
  Replies (19) Good night (1760) Bad night (6172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town http://tfl.nu/phfq
  Replies (20) Good night (5560) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it. http://tfl.nu/m5np
  Replies (9) Good night (3449) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong http://tfl.nu/1mot
  Replies (21) Good night (1275) Bad night (3791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked. http://tfl.nu/sxfw
  Replies (15) Good night (5921) Bad night (1835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car. http://tfl.nu/2mw2
  Replies (15) Good night (5610) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW. http://tfl.nu/o3ak
  Replies (9) Good night (3661) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing. http://tfl.nu/nkz8
  Replies (10) Good night (965) Bad night (3069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up http://tfl.nu/adeo
  Replies (34) Good night (7349) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it http://tfl.nu/n58g
  Replies (16) Good night (3404) Bad night (1457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way. http://tfl.nu/qq0o
  Replies (7) Good night (1143) Bad night (4563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house. http://tfl.nu/iz51
  Replies (9) Good night (1554) Bad night (3205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/konb
  Replies (8) Good night (3345) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me. http://tfl.nu/1wv6
  Replies (17) Good night (6395) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby". http://tfl.nu/mh0h
  Replies (2) Good night (1025) Bad night (1977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one... http://tfl.nu/h6us
  Replies (13) Good night (3531) Bad night (1733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/e3sn
  Replies (18) Good night (7257) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut. http://tfl.nu/p9pu
  Replies (17) Good night (927) Bad night (2168)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0
  Replies (24) Good night (4170) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right http://tfl.nu/zv74
  Replies (11) Good night (2577) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved. http://tfl.nu/shxy
  Replies (10) Good night (6274) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space. http://tfl.nu/ayzt
  Replies (14) Good night (5896) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju
  Replies (24) Good night (12333) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos. http://tfl.nu/fazf
  Replies (6) Good night (2455) Bad night (1711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on. http://tfl.nu/d9b8
  Replies (9) Good night (1262) Bad night (3705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/gi6e
  Replies (26) Good night (8017) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/7h8c
  Replies (13) Good night (1333) Bad night (5038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat. http://tfl.nu/jbsx
  Replies (62) Good night (9755) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping. http://tfl.nu/d4lu
  Replies (15) Good night (787) Bad night (2085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator. http://tfl.nu/tdtw
  Replies (18) Good night (4577) Bad night (1231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick http://tfl.nu/s4cq
  Replies (18) Good night (9227) Bad night (1374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen http://tfl.nu/5vux
  Replies (25) Good night (2313) Bad night (10918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt. http://tfl.nu/2jv4
  Replies (10) Good night (6710) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito. http://tfl.nu/i4sd
  Replies (19) Good night (6374) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks. http://tfl.nu/yuy7
  Replies (12) Good night (1577) Bad night (4435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR. http://tfl.nu/pgie
  Replies (44) Good night (1073) Bad night (9738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse. http://tfl.nu/chf5
  Replies (6) Good night (957) Bad night (2183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/mg5e
  Replies (21) Good night (5769) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper. http://tfl.nu/m3p5
  Replies (9) Good night (2173) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK. http://tfl.nu/7sxv
  Replies (9) Good night (6526) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?! http://tfl.nu/iqkb
  Replies (58) Good night (1788) Bad night (5110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/axif
  Replies (7) Good night (1050) Bad night (2665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (11053) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you. http://tfl.nu/a48g
  Replies (14) Good night (5376) Bad night (1986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has. http://tfl.nu/36lp
  Replies (11) Good night (6679) Bad night (1559)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame. http://tfl.nu/5bwq
  Replies (5) Good night (3279) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?! http://tfl.nu/dodw
  Replies (15) Good night (970) Bad night (6944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar. http://tfl.nu/cp66
  Replies (10) Good night (6080) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS http://tfl.nu/mc97
  Replies (40) Good night (9295) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body. (1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. http://tfl.nu/e4ca
  Replies (71) Good night (5490) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out http://tfl.nu/ozsp
  Replies (7) Good night (910) Bad night (2568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up. http://tfl.nu/a8fn
  Replies (13) Good night (4510) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors. http://tfl.nu/cath
  Replies (10) Good night (10961) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  God, you're like boner-b-gone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): God, you're like boner-b-gone http://tfl.nu/0pn8
  Replies (10) Good night (1023) Bad night (5393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (58) Good night (14645) Bad night (1498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity http://tfl.nu/5mrd
  Replies (19) Good night (1905) Bad night (2681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9585) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (555): Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me. http://tfl.nu/aho3
  Replies (21) Good night (5690) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake http://tfl.nu/rol0
  Replies (46) Good night (7180) Bad night (1403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable. http://tfl.nu/afg8
  Replies (11) Good night (5156) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/cydy
  Replies (12) Good night (6057) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like hot dogs and buns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi
  Replies (22) Good night (8131) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io
  Replies (26) Good night (8872) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

  (714): View more from California

  Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj
  Replies (37) Good night (9709) Bad night (1473)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e
  Replies (27) Good night (6681) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): what date should I let him know how fucked up I am? http://tfl.nu/6aws
  Replies (17) Good night (1159) Bad night (4068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (22) Good night (13984) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck. http://tfl.nu/i3zz
  Replies (15) Good night (7749) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left. http://tfl.nu/7tek
  Replies (22) Good night (1671) Bad night (10327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/e78z
  Replies (25) Good night (7565) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant. http://tfl.nu/y6pb
  Replies (30) Good night (4087) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine... http://tfl.nu/7ts7
  Replies (53) Good night (650) Bad night (3448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends. http://tfl.nu/vqfc
  Replies (13) Good night (581) Bad night (1705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out. http://tfl.nu/phll
  Replies (17) Good night (3101) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8488) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (9012) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found... http://tfl.nu/titb
  Replies (16) Good night (9655) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey. http://tfl.nu/pfjh
  Replies (19) Good night (6526) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
  Replies (26) Good night (11435) Bad night (1773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (13261) Bad night (1670)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (4779) Bad night (2034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16225) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so finals studying is going well?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons. (309): so finals studying is going well? http://tfl.nu/jt5e
  Replies (13) Good night (7180) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

  (1-530): View more from California

  fuck. you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv
  Replies (54) Good night (11993) Bad night (1675)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): 5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real. http://tfl.nu/vlat
  Replies (7) Good night (4940) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal http://tfl.nu/qwe2
  Replies (13) Good night (7178) Bad night (1343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils http://tfl.nu/glcj
  Replies (8) Good night (970) Bad night (2743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh. http://tfl.nu/6iss
  Replies (10) Good night (853) Bad night (3709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend. http://tfl.nu/0oem
  Replies (15) Good night (3938) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9469) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not." http://tfl.nu/pkrm
  Replies (18) Good night (6128) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve. http://tfl.nu/asc9
  Replies (6) Good night (6556) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g
  Replies (36) Good night (12609) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4453) Bad night (7262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (5048) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out http://tfl.nu/au0t
  Replies (33) Good night (2743) Bad night (5733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  It was the best sex i've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): That was the scariest sex i've ever heard.... (1-540): It was the best sex i've ever had. http://tfl.nu/k8p9
  Replies (13) Good night (7633) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v
  Replies (26) Good night (10618) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
  Replies (81) Good night (16598) Bad night (2608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier http://tfl.nu/xjeu
  Replies (6) Good night (7865) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10556) Bad night (1241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u sound so gay right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me. (978): u sound so gay right now http://tfl.nu/zm49
  Replies (35) Good night (6878) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It's not kidnapping if it's romantic http://tfl.nu/j4mo
  Replies (17) Good night (6291) Bad night (1658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here http://tfl.nu/hhg1
  Replies (16) Good night (5289) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
  Replies (37) Good night (18513) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (20207) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A simple 'no' would have sufficed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls. (610): A simple 'no' would have sufficed http://tfl.nu/eyzn
  Replies (14) Good night (1743) Bad night (5414)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over? http://tfl.nu/e898
  Replies (11) Good night (3374) Bad night (2315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x
  Replies (26) Good night (14731) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful. http://tfl.nu/u6l8
  Replies (14) Good night (694) Bad night (5716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  You love me.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That's because, tragically, I adore whores.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): You love me. (785): That's because, tragically, I adore whores. http://tfl.nu/7eph
  Replies (29) Good night (7962) Bad night (1379)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet http://tfl.nu/r3gc
  Replies (29) Good night (9765) Bad night (1400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose. http://tfl.nu/x4bb
  Replies (38) Good night (1073) Bad night (8944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38370) Bad night (1749)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (13055) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  i told you not to try chat roulette

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world (1-248): i told you not to try chat roulette http://tfl.nu/80bv
  Replies (20) Good night (1146) Bad night (6363)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed. http://tfl.nu/eoiy
  Replies (24) Good night (1286) Bad night (5279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message. http://tfl.nu/jwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (9433) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

  (914): View more from New York

  you mean faeutihaers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night? (914): you mean faeutihaers? http://tfl.nu/mcba
  Replies (34) Good night (10547) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (51) Good night (14871) Bad night (2242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish http://tfl.nu/f18y
  Replies (17) Good night (8253) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra. http://tfl.nu/7xhn
  Replies (52) Good night (9595) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order. (1-614): I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale! http://tfl.nu/h6yb
  Replies (50) Good night (5141) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation. http://tfl.nu/r77c
  Replies (19) Good night (5010) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You smell like stripper and shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): You smell like stripper and shame http://tfl.nu/7pqp
  Replies (26) Good night (2990) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. http://tfl.nu/i519
  Replies (56) Good night (7315) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions

  (310): View more from California

  i wish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions (310): i wish http://tfl.nu/mg2v
  Replies (6) Good night (700) Bad night (2690)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (38) Good night (21347) Bad night (2021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like http://tfl.nu/masc
  Replies (81) Good night (8863) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho http://tfl.nu/chvf
  Replies (56) Good night (2023) Bad night (14778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot. http://tfl.nu/3jpd
  Replies (22) Good night (6885) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces". http://tfl.nu/rjzc
  Replies (5) Good night (3811) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position http://tfl.nu/vjj2
  Replies (34) Good night (15187) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere. http://tfl.nu/rhba
  Replies (22) Good night (1134) Bad night (6538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words... http://tfl.nu/0249
  Replies (108) Good night (1089) Bad night (5707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk http://tfl.nu/jf67
  Replies (29) Good night (3931) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina http://tfl.nu/bmhg
  Replies (100) Good night (6453) Bad night (2182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex http://tfl.nu/pkc8
  Replies (21) Good night (5462) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit http://tfl.nu/ma7y
  Replies (45) Good night (8974) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman" http://tfl.nu/jaxb
  Replies (79) Good night (1415) Bad night (6781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks. http://tfl.nu/i5e8
  Replies (23) Good night (949) Bad night (5478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn http://tfl.nu/q2bp
  Replies (70) Good night (3261) Bad night (5090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity http://tfl.nu/xcgi
  Replies (36) Good night (856) Bad night (5900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen" http://tfl.nu/6cx3
  Replies (52) Good night (9284) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Restraining orders are what college is about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it. (856): Restraining orders are what college is about. http://tfl.nu/sfmu
  Replies (25) Good night (698) Bad night (5312)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): you were trying to give my penis an indian burn. http://tfl.nu/5vh0
  Replies (36) Good night (695) Bad night (8469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time. http://tfl.nu/hpfk
  Replies (38) Good night (5068) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry" http://tfl.nu/fk1l
  Replies (21) Good night (11371) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously http://tfl.nu/mrdz
  Replies (13) Good night (4276) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous http://tfl.nu/ntwa
  Replies (17) Good night (8738) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls. http://tfl.nu/5u5z
  Replies (23) Good night (790) Bad night (5180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching. http://tfl.nu/ljur
  Replies (21) Good night (1733) Bad night (8203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on http://tfl.nu/lu1l
  Replies (18) Good night (7488) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/ia7j
  Replies (28) Good night (8898) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (6124) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would be honored to be that friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people (617): I would be honored to be that friend. http://tfl.nu/ohrl
  Replies (22) Good night (5823) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night.. http://tfl.nu/r63d
  Replies (19) Good night (5724) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance. http://tfl.nu/gr0i
  Replies (25) Good night (9098) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side http://tfl.nu/uejy
  Replies (54) Good night (9882) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door. http://tfl.nu/s1xt
  Replies (23) Good night (6190) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy. http://tfl.nu/h40g
  Replies (7) Good night (5791) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him http://tfl.nu/mt9f
  Replies (24) Good night (1270) Bad night (3080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars, http://tfl.nu/j4u2
  Replies (14) Good night (4960) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing http://tfl.nu/xxuk
  Replies (19) Good night (815) Bad night (8387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar. http://tfl.nu/zfa3
  Replies (12) Good night (4549) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up http://tfl.nu/y0oy
  Replies (27) Good night (5847) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me. http://tfl.nu/yxh1
  Replies (28) Good night (902) Bad night (4499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night. http://tfl.nu/1i28
  Replies (14) Good night (5061) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise. (570): so you made the shocked face and they caught you. (571): yup. http://tfl.nu/1dzq
  Replies (19) Good night (1304) Bad night (5160)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/2ys4
  Replies (58) Good night (14569) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact.. http://tfl.nu/kbzw
  Replies (42) Good night (730) Bad night (5842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI http://tfl.nu/lcvv
  Replies (24) Good night (6447) Bad night (1725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could. http://tfl.nu/cj4q
  Replies (74) Good night (3772) Bad night (17799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard. http://tfl.nu/840x
  Replies (36) Good night (4154) Bad night (1736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology http://tfl.nu/1r1t
  Replies (10) Good night (4763) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin http://tfl.nu/5vsk
  Replies (15) Good night (4838) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit. http://tfl.nu/4xb1
  Replies (9) Good night (4619) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (628): View more from California

  i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (628): i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me http://tfl.nu/vt02
  Replies (40) Good night (2039) Bad night (4644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts" http://tfl.nu/th5a
  Replies (37) Good night (1442) Bad night (6788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them. http://tfl.nu/3lq3
  Replies (18) Good night (5736) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6554) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (52) Good night (36743) Bad night (1655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like. http://tfl.nu/sasf
  Replies (25) Good night (9129) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me. http://tfl.nu/h7ic
  Replies (22) Good night (3987) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles http://tfl.nu/ya5r
  Replies (46) Good night (17412) Bad night (1457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes. (1-434): Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/t985
  Replies (54) Good night (1381) Bad night (13445)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x
  Replies (33) Good night (21227) Bad night (1962)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  three words: i give head

  (770): View more from Georgia

  three words: not that well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): three words: i give head (770): three words: not that well http://tfl.nu/mukd
  Replies (65) Good night (1187) Bad night (8409)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so when am I gonna get some from you?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when you dick grows 3 inches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): so when am I gonna get some from you? (617): when you dick grows 3 inches http://tfl.nu/rd2p
  Replies (74) Good night (1841) Bad night (8745)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!" http://tfl.nu/83kf
  Replies (22) Good night (1305) Bad night (11426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him? http://tfl.nu/9nhp
  Replies (139) Good night (963) Bad night (12520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm out of practice. be my yoda

  (314): View more from Missouri

  put your penis in her you must.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e
  Replies (58) Good night (17926) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating... http://tfl.nu/t9b4
  Replies (47) Good night (1403) Bad night (5325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80308) Bad night (4336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/520f
  Replies (31) Good night (2457) Bad night (7087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!" http://tfl.nu/6j56
  Replies (34) Good night (1379) Bad night (4673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew http://tfl.nu/ocbg
  Replies (45) Good night (23505) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  just found the deal breaker

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  hairy back?

  (251): View more from Alabama

  he can't live within 1000 ft of a school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): just found the deal breaker (1-251): hairy back? (251): he can't live within 1000 ft of a school http://tfl.nu/kwkd
  Replies (73) Good night (876) Bad night (14129)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  it was average length and chubby

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  so kinda like him?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): it was average length and chubby (1-919): so kinda like him? (919): now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis... http://tfl.nu/92b0
  Replies (50) Good night (4266) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying. http://tfl.nu/86vj
  Replies (24) Good night (905) Bad night (5995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it http://tfl.nu/eb7i
  Replies (5) Good night (914) Bad night (3204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum. http://tfl.nu/czce
  Replies (35) Good night (822) Bad night (6503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once http://tfl.nu/k6sm
  Replies (52) Good night (4760) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey. http://tfl.nu/ja6h
  Replies (46) Good night (11006) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. http://tfl.nu/iq87
  Replies (19) Good night (5130) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I absolutely love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it. (1-360): I absolutely love you. http://tfl.nu/vd5p
  Replies (40) Good night (10482) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on? http://tfl.nu/rmsb
  Replies (8) Good night (1221) Bad night (3421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator http://tfl.nu/ic52
  Replies (17) Good night (7556) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used. http://tfl.nu/jpfz
  Replies (55) Good night (13112) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though. http://tfl.nu/6g66
  Replies (27) Good night (1743) Bad night (5571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16813) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out. http://tfl.nu/rr3m
  Replies (91) Good night (4114) Bad night (16277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents. http://tfl.nu/eibu
  Replies (18) Good night (646) Bad night (5784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI. http://tfl.nu/868g
  Replies (27) Good night (7206) Bad night (1279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  rhymes with "ouble enetration"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): rhymes with "ouble enetration" http://tfl.nu/bg50
  Replies (33) Good night (3850) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168549) Bad night (42239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis". http://tfl.nu/dn08
  Replies (17) Good night (599) Bad night (6414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4851) Bad night (101376)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I need hand sanitizer and jesus. http://tfl.nu/r3xx
  Replies (15) Good night (1834) Bad night (2461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  farters have to be the big spoon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): farters have to be the big spoon... http://tfl.nu/5j3w
  Replies (6) Good night (720) Bad night (2577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64956) Bad night (2544)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.

  (415): View more from California

  Watch for tornadoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana? (512): Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought. (415): Watch for tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/7qwf
  Replies (33) Good night (2502) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets" http://tfl.nu/73nd
  Replies (27) Good night (868) Bad night (3291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too. http://tfl.nu/xgxr
  Replies (8) Good night (4059) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand. http://tfl.nu/h0pi
  Replies (27) Good night (792) Bad night (5801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth. http://tfl.nu/tax7
  Replies (70) Good night (19092) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (275) Good night (4090) Bad night (68346)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked. http://tfl.nu/h1xn
  Replies (17) Good night (3804) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment. http://tfl.nu/lu2o
  Replies (11) Good night (3474) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus. http://tfl.nu/kpmf
  Replies (26) Good night (8899) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (46519) Bad night (2048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (111) Good night (2244) Bad night (35699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142364) Bad night (9364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening http://tfl.nu/8ijj
  Replies (17) Good night (1239) Bad night (4552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today.. http://tfl.nu/ftkb
  Replies (36) Good night (737) Bad night (10576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar? (1-702): You told us you forgot how, and started to cry. http://tfl.nu/t675
  Replies (54) Good night (1917) Bad night (7448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (43857) Bad night (1669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  isnt it creepy that our bodies make people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): isnt it creepy that our bodies make people http://tfl.nu/vg9u
  Replies (98) Good night (5928) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe. http://tfl.nu/piri
  Replies (27) Good night (821) Bad night (2943)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years. http://tfl.nu/vthp
  Replies (47) Good night (552) Bad night (7864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up. http://tfl.nu/sgel
  Replies (132) Good night (1111) Bad night (29839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper http://tfl.nu/swmc
  Replies (55) Good night (11979) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56950) Bad night (4713)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM http://tfl.nu/acmo
  Replies (43) Good night (1247) Bad night (3912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him. http://tfl.nu/gqvc
  Replies (13) Good night (772) Bad night (3342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
  Replies (45) Good night (23050) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say. http://tfl.nu/fs2e
  Replies (70) Good night (10186) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10471) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): We're like two naked peas in a sex pod. http://tfl.nu/sqen
  Replies (23) Good night (6245) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly. http://tfl.nu/a3gz
  Replies (21) Good night (5726) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind. http://tfl.nu/8l0m
  Replies (57) Good night (12257) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers. http://tfl.nu/u7sr
  Replies (9) Good night (813) Bad night (5112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8525) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.

  (850): View more from Florida

  I guess we all know what he was cookin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines. (850): I guess we all know what he was cookin. http://tfl.nu/lvcl
  Replies (15) Good night (1015) Bad night (3816)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed. http://tfl.nu/o4xt
  Replies (46) Good night (7771) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (54096) Bad night (4435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is. http://tfl.nu/aqok
  Replies (97) Good night (7785) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that. http://tfl.nu/wbxh
  Replies (13) Good night (4522) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  "Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): "Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut. http://tfl.nu/b4vo
  Replies (95) Good night (5861) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated" http://tfl.nu/zfhg
  Replies (29) Good night (1477) Bad night (8607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies. http://tfl.nu/6rhb
  Replies (35) Good night (7583) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid". http://tfl.nu/zeei
  Replies (22) Good night (5999) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now. http://tfl.nu/1nlv
  Replies (28) Good night (1295) Bad night (5313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest http://tfl.nu/54ul
  Replies (41) Good night (27437) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over. http://tfl.nu/6slb
  Replies (18) Good night (466) Bad night (4316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts. http://tfl.nu/kee8
  Replies (27) Good night (4964) Bad night (2314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back" http://tfl.nu/lhve
  Replies (9) Good night (4712) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose. http://tfl.nu/pmmh
  Replies (11) Good night (3666) Bad night (1254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it. http://tfl.nu/bdg5
  Replies (34) Good night (10551) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler. http://tfl.nu/cu8r
  Replies (9) Good night (4385) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine". http://tfl.nu/teku
  Replies (9) Good night (4414) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me http://tfl.nu/u42j
  Replies (20) Good night (2292) Bad night (3753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (17638) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. http://tfl.nu/l5xu
  Replies (31) Good night (10186) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60982) Bad night (1929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later" http://tfl.nu/dpva
  Replies (17) Good night (6690) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward http://tfl.nu/vm30
  Replies (23) Good night (4391) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it http://tfl.nu/rdim
  Replies (15) Good night (1053) Bad night (4623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend? http://tfl.nu/lq8q
  Replies (85) Good night (17696) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have. http://tfl.nu/9vj6
  Replies (53) Good night (799) Bad night (4386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention http://tfl.nu/4fnt
  Replies (26) Good night (6075) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us. http://tfl.nu/ztab
  Replies (31) Good night (13714) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through. http://tfl.nu/bvv7
  Replies (20) Good night (7049) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  well, dont

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face. (970): well, dont (720): I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it. http://tfl.nu/lbqb
  Replies (32) Good night (6039) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy <3's balls" is written in sharpie across my forehead http://tfl.nu/cffy
  Replies (24) Good night (1485) Bad night (4510)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously i just wanna be friends

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  pass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): seriously i just wanna be friends (1-508): pass http://tfl.nu/b8w4
  Replies (39) Good night (1321) Bad night (5712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face! http://tfl.nu/2men
  Replies (24) Good night (1245) Bad night (4678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus http://tfl.nu/ioq2
  Replies (26) Good night (8330) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  it was like eating out sand paper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): it was like eating out sand paper http://tfl.nu/u8qd
  Replies (32) Good night (472) Bad night (7685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking. http://tfl.nu/dn0l
  Replies (23) Good night (6524) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly http://tfl.nu/e809
  Replies (23) Good night (689) Bad night (5165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per." http://tfl.nu/jili
  Replies (6) Good night (3929) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am. http://tfl.nu/u2qi
  Replies (14) Good night (1297) Bad night (5767)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning. http://tfl.nu/h1ay
  Replies (23) Good night (5017) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs http://tfl.nu/ycoz
  Replies (29) Good night (6246) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (16436) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys http://tfl.nu/inic
  Replies (21) Good night (847) Bad night (4618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Let me guess--your parents are cousins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Let me guess--your parents are cousins. http://tfl.nu/a2p5
  Replies (22) Good night (784) Bad night (4767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags http://tfl.nu/jbrv
  Replies (24) Good night (1505) Bad night (3847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride http://tfl.nu/utbu
  Replies (47) Good night (985) Bad night (7510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town

  (1-213): View more from California

  well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town (1-213): well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT http://tfl.nu/kbwd
  Replies (14) Good night (791) Bad night (5924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist http://tfl.nu/e75m
  Replies (19) Good night (6779) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs" http://tfl.nu/4385
  Replies (12) Good night (1014) Bad night (4448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college. http://tfl.nu/mdh1
  Replies (25) Good night (1064) Bad night (3664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball http://tfl.nu/qmmn
  Replies (43) Good night (663) Bad night (4661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (31756) Bad night (2873)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub http://tfl.nu/rmdg
  Replies (10) Good night (611) Bad night (5654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd give my left nut to see you

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  don't do that. I like the set

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'd give my left nut to see you (609): don't do that. I like the set http://tfl.nu/41nb
  Replies (12) Good night (9647) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (209) Good night (62100) Bad night (2292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex. http://tfl.nu/maqt
  Replies (29) Good night (798) Bad night (7314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
  Replies (73) Good night (18497) Bad night (3592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just stepped in cum. i hate you.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Thats what happens when you don't swallow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just stepped in cum. i hate you. (603): Thats what happens when you don't swallow. http://tfl.nu/7phl
  Replies (86) Good night (9356) Bad night (2710)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good. (763): haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions. http://tfl.nu/7v2j
  Replies (41) Good night (1274) Bad night (3160)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get" http://tfl.nu/yg96
  Replies (23) Good night (8766) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): 47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over. (1-647): Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead? http://tfl.nu/n8gs
  Replies (57) Good night (1036) Bad night (5475)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting. http://tfl.nu/foam
  Replies (7) Good night (4198) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't remember what your face looks like..

  (727): View more from Florida

  I don't remember your face either, just your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't remember what your face looks like.. (727): I don't remember your face either, just your dick. http://tfl.nu/odit
  Replies (19) Good night (6258) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (46) Good night (20405) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions. http://tfl.nu/7qp6
  Replies (29) Good night (8191) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move http://tfl.nu/msae
  Replies (33) Good night (7139) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (17518) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever. http://tfl.nu/iaa1
  Replies (29) Good night (965) Bad night (6432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming. http://tfl.nu/4nef
  Replies (51) Good night (8527) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1272) Bad night (12790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  well apparently not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in? (1-978): well apparently not. http://tfl.nu/kqax
  Replies (50) Good night (1283) Bad night (5295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate. http://tfl.nu/beue
  Replies (40) Good night (1119) Bad night (6937)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning http://tfl.nu/f3jq
  Replies (33) Good night (9548) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me. http://tfl.nu/xhqm
  Replies (24) Good night (1675) Bad night (3400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock" http://tfl.nu/hksp
  Replies (30) Good night (8971) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I see you've learned your lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status... (1-937): I see you've learned your lesson. http://tfl.nu/pjfr
  Replies (12) Good night (6392) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6569) Bad night (2327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/cpmo
  Replies (37) Good night (7171) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8496) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (13379) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65499) Bad night (3464)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wakey wakey hands off snakey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): wakey wakey hands off snakey http://tfl.nu/v0if
  Replies (13) Good night (1188) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy http://tfl.nu/0s17
  Replies (10) Good night (680) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (258) Good night (4574) Bad night (79679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (43692) Bad night (1480)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed. http://tfl.nu/qdrd
  Replies (29) Good night (1607) Bad night (23701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka http://tfl.nu/4spi
  Replies (37) Good night (1266) Bad night (13041)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173327) Bad night (6948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (110) Good night (46060) Bad night (2504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100483) Bad night (5754)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear. http://tfl.nu/d8gq
  Replies (31) Good night (800) Bad night (11141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude

  (765): View more from Indiana

  call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude (765): call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing http://tfl.nu/wjo2
  Replies (41) Good night (1567) Bad night (3101)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1401) Bad night (3688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Want to have sex later?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  This feels like a trap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Want to have sex later? (614): This feels like a trap http://tfl.nu/uak4
  Replies (27) Good night (3257) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat. http://tfl.nu/8yi0
  Replies (36) Good night (798) Bad night (2951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana. http://tfl.nu/xlmv
  Replies (48) Good night (1034) Bad night (2382)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you? http://tfl.nu/hgrf
  Replies (16) Good night (4773) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint? (636): you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint? http://tfl.nu/hfu5
  Replies (29) Good night (820) Bad night (1514)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events. http://tfl.nu/5em3
  Replies (16) Good night (2012) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals http://tfl.nu/cfxk
  Replies (12) Good night (1173) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ready 4 sex 2nite?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  wow. woo me matt, woo me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): ready 4 sex 2nite? (978): wow. woo me matt, woo me. http://tfl.nu/frhd
  Replies (5) Good night (1110) Bad night (1433)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Are you dead

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Yes

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Oh man

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Are you dead (1-260): Yes (260): Oh man (1-260): Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard http://tfl.nu/iien
  Replies (7) Good night (2890) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (45006) Bad night (3407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93618) Bad night (4623)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (28770) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so horny!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so hungry

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  For your pussy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I'm so horny! (781): I'm so hungry (508): WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY! (781): For your pussy... http://tfl.nu/7j50
  Replies (64) Good night (23904) Bad night (1517)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (48) Good night (47628) Bad night (2112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She'll never know what hit her

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She'll never know what hit her (1-703): I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact. http://tfl.nu/fbuf
  Replies (2) Good night (1661) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sounds like a really classy character....

  (478): View more from Georgia

  He is classy. It was argyle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis (410): Sounds like a really classy character.... (478): He is classy. It was argyle. http://tfl.nu/j1fr
  Replies (18) Good night (6441) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon. http://tfl.nu/bjrm
  Replies (12) Good night (5014) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt